Children are good or bad. Is a shy child good or bad? Where does shyness come from?

Let's figure it out, often taking the baby in your arms - is it pampering or a necessity?

Fifteen years ago, it was believed that one should not accustom a newborn child to the hands, because because of this then the parents "suffer", and the little ones become very capricious. The attitude to life can be characterized by the personal qualities of a person. At the age of three, the foundations of the worldview are laid. In order for a child to develop correctly, it is important that he is aware of his own importance, be sure that his parents love him. Therefore, an immediate reaction to his crying is the main proof of the care and love of loved ones.

The beneficial effects of physical contact

As a result of the frequent carrying of the child in his arms, he develops feelings of touch and touch. During this period, these feelings for the crumbs are perhaps the most important. This is due to the intrauterine development of the fetus, because in the fifth week of pregnancy, receptors are formed, which transmit all information about touch to the brain. In terms of development, tactile receptors are ahead of other senses. They are not collected into a single organ, such as an ear or an eye, but are scattered throughout the body. Many tactile receptors are located on the lips and fingertips, least of all on the back, hips and shoulders. There are several types of nerve cells. There are cells that quickly transmit a signal of touch to the brain and turn off immediately (we quickly stop feeling the ring on the finger), but there are cells that work slower, but send information to the brain for a long time.

Therefore, it is very important to go up to the baby and take him in your arms to feed, change clothes, rock him. The baby feels motherly warmth, begins to calm down, does not spend extra energy on crying, listens and looks closely at the world around him.

In addition, wearing it on your hands develops the vestibular apparatus. Listening to the mother's voice, observing her articulation, the baby learns the first speech skills. In practice, developmentally premature babies catch up with their peers, if they are often in the mother's arms.

We carry it on our hands, so we indulge?

Can the frequent carrying of a child in his arms spoil him? Of course not! If the parents do not ignore the needs and desires of the child, this does not mean that he is being pampered. Parental love and affection - these phrases are not synonymous with poor parenting, especially when it comes to newborns. According to child psychologists and pediatricians, children under one year old cannot be pampered, because during this period the reason for the "whim" is the baby's needs and desires. In the second year of life, adults must selectively respond to his requests. Parents should explain to the child that not only he has needs, but also other people.

What your restraint can lead to

Upbringing according to a rigid method, according to which carrying a child in your arms means that he is being pampered, the natural need for the presence of parents is ignored. Adults are sure that such upbringing contributes to early independence. However, the method of hard parenting has negative features:

• A child who is weaned from his mother develops a distrustful attitude towards others, and this can negatively affect his adult life.
• As a result of the limitation of tactile contact between mother and child, there is no mutual feeling. In such cases, the baby is a hindrance to the mother's usual lifestyle. The baby needs maternal affection, care and communication, and his cry is a call to his mother that he is hungry, he needs to change his diaper or get sick. There are situations in which the baby seems to have no reason for crying, the baby can cry, because he is still biologically connected with his mother.

However, most often the mother has a lot of household chores. And if you often take the child in your arms, you will have to postpone some business "for later." And physically carrying a child in your arms for a long time is very difficult. In general, you can find a lot of reasons to keep tactile contact to a minimum. You must decide which is more important - chores or the development of the baby.

How to properly hold a child in your arms

How to properly carry a baby in your arms so as not to harm its health? After all, if the baby stays in the wrong position for a long time, then in the future, the curvature of the spine is possible. The position of the child in the arms depends on age and what he will do: sleep or "walk" in his mother's arms.

Up to 2.5 months, it is imperative to support the baby's head. If the position of the child is horizontal, then the back of his head should lie on your elbow, and with the other hand support the baby's ass and legs.

If you want the baby to be in an upright position, then it is necessary to support the head and back: with one palm, press the back of the baby's head to the forearm, with the other, fix the buttocks.

From three months, you can carry the baby facing away from you. One hand should be held at chest level and the other at hip level.

What not to do

Constantly bother the child, regardless of his desires, take him in your arms and squeeze. Very often, dads and grandfathers throw the child up. Firstly, for a baby this is an extreme extreme, and secondly, you can drop a crumb and injure. Kissing a child on the face is also undesirable, especially up to a year, so as not to infect an infection. The most common infection is herpes.

Weaning

By the age of two, we are less and less likely to take the child in our arms. At this age, the child strives to be independent, actively explores the world around him. But in spite of this, tired of a long walk, they ask for "hands". At this age, the baby needs the love and care of the parents. Moreover, this is important not only for girls, but also for boys. It is, of course, important to bring up qualities such as masculinity in a son, but you should not limit the child in love and affection. Even from an early age, a big difference is noticeable between children: some prefer to play alone, while others need the presence of their mother. Of course, this behavior is associated with both individual characteristics of character and temperament, and success in education (or mistakes). Give your child your attention and a smile. Now you have to be patient, but as a reward you will see your little one immensely happy and loving. In the future, seemingly "tame" baby can become a reliable support for their parents and their own family.

IS IT GOOD OR BAD? WEIRD QUESTION. HOWEVER, IT IS ABLE FOR A MAN TO EVALUATE EVERYTHING AND MAKE THESE OR OTHER CONCLUSIONS. THE CHILD IS THE CHILD. THIS IS A NATIVE MAN; FOR WHICH THE PARENTS, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT HOW MUCH YEARS OLD, WILL GIVE ANYTHING. I WILL NOT SPEAK HERE ABOUT HARD CHILDBIRTH, ETC. ANOTHER QUESTION; IS IT EASY TO RAISE CHILDREN WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY "IN AGE"?

Of course, there are difficulties. On the other hand, there can be no less joy, but more. Many people think that the first children are special, but you get used to the appearance of others. Undoubtedly, everyone is different. Sometimes parents, on the contrary, give all their attention and love to the youngest, which the elders naturally take offense at.

Even in the famous Bible there is an episode describing this attitude. Patriarch Jacob (Israel), besides all his sons, showed a special attitude towards the younger Joseph: “Israel loved Joseph more than all her sons, because he was the son of his old age, and made him a colored robe. And his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers; and they hated him and could not speak friendly with him. " Unfortunately, this even happens. In some families, on the contrary, the elders surround the younger ones, brother or sister with special care and love.

While the child is small, there are no special problems in education at all. On the contrary, parents have a lot of experience in caring for, caring and training their baby in the early stages. This is a significant plus. Someone, having gone through the process of raising two children, brings up the third by inertia, following the skill of previous years. It helps a lot if the child is mentally similar to older children. If the contrast of character is very noticeable, then you have to look for other approaches. As he grows up, some difficulties gradually appear. It depends on several reasons at once.

The most important, probably, is too big a difference in age. It means that parents are not suitable for the child as dads and mothers, but already as grandparents. I saw such situations when a teenager of 12-13 years old was embarrassed by the peers of his “non-modern” parents. And who met him for the first time, asked: "Is this your grandparents?" Indeed, there are families where the child is very late, and dad and mom look old and unfashionable. It is very important for a teenager who they are and how they look. This is either a role model, or vice versa. It is difficult to instill values \u200b\u200band interests in a son or daughter if you are far from on the same wavelength with them. Here the generational difference is felt quite sharply. It's not so much about caring as about influencing your child. In such a situation, peers very early become indisputable authorities, and “elderly” parents find themselves out of range. Older brothers and sisters are usually the connecting link. Of course, today there are many families where children are born after forty, and there is no problem. Many parents successfully absorb all the innovations of modern life, and children are proud of their mothers and fathers.

Another reason for the difficulty of upbringing is the physical fitness and health of already elderly parents. Yes! There are fathers and mothers who are fifty dollars each, and they run, and jump, and swim, and so on. But not everyone is like that. For example, I am 48, and Yegor is 10 years old. Of course, I can play football and fight with him. I don’t consider myself any "old", but I understand that I am not 20. I am not an athlete. The problem is that sometimes there is not enough energy for effective long-term play with an active child. You get tired quickly, there is little enthusiasm and motivation to invent something and be a ringleader for a child. Egor suggests some kind of active game in the evening, and I say that I'm already tired. You look at young parents who are with their children, as they say “everywhere,” and you understand the difference. In addition, parental activity is essential in the school process. We need to help the child in the lessons. We must participate in the life of the educational institution. It is necessary to take the child to various sections. It is necessary ... For all the energy is not enough, the years are still not the same. Some will say, but there is a brother or sister. They should fill this gap. And if not? Our eldest has already married, and the youngest is eleven. How many families are there? I think enough.

Children are a joy for parents at any time in their lives, whenever they are born. A late child is never late. All is well in due time. From the birth of the first children, we experience some positive feelings, and from the birth of the 3rd or 4th children, we experience other unique feelings. Each child is unique in its own way.

A significant advantage of a late child is its beneficial effect on the tone of the life of his parents. Imagine the extent to which spouses at "age" can sometimes go without straining and without leading an active lifestyle. The child will not let you. If you want, you don't want to, but you need to move. Love requires sacrifice. Here you immediately become fit, there is no time to relax. It definitely prolongs youth.

Who is a quiet child and what is it fraught with in life. In our class, Seryozha sat on the last desk, everyone considered him an exemplary student. He had strict parents who scolded him for the slightest mistake.

Seryozha behaved quietly, imperceptibly. In noisy games and adventures did not participate. Other boys were bullies, their parents were called to school.

And Seryozha's trousers are always ironed, his hands are without scratches or bruises. The teachers loved him, he always agreed with their opinion, for his behavior he was "excellent", although he did not shine with knowledge of the subjects.

We grew up, finished school. All classmates have become people. It would seem that Sergei should be in the forefront, but ... Nothing was heard about him - he sank into the water. I recently met him at a liquor store. “You see, life didn't work out,” he explained to me. - I entered the institute, which my mother chose, although I did not like this specialty. After changing several jobs, I did not get along anywhere. He didn’t create a family - it’s not destiny ”.

Family and school

What happened to Sergei is not surprising. Psychologists note that the obedience of quiet children translates into passivity, lack of a clear position and inability to settle in life. Why it happens? For teachers, a quiet student is, of course, convenient - he does not shout out from his seat, he is not distracted.

Remember how many times the teachers break down to shout because the children turn around and do not obey: “I’ll give you all“ two's ”! I'll call my parents! " This authoritarian regime suppresses the student.

For parents, such a baby also does not cause much trouble. This is not a tomboy who gets into trouble and who has to boo all the time: “Don't touch! Get away! Play quietly! " An active baby requires a lot of attention that busy dads and mothers cannot give. And the quiet one can be safely left alone: \u200b\u200bhe crosses the road only to the green light, washes his hands before eating, does his homework on time. “Well-bred boy,” acquaintances say approvingly.

But is it really so important to educate only obedience, correctness? Parents are usually not interested in the child's opinion, offering ready-made solutions: “Put on a yellow shirt”, “We go shopping on Saturday”, “Don't be friends with Kostya, he is from a dysfunctional family”, etc. However, after a while the parents complain: “My son is already 16 years old, he is not interested in anything. How will you choose your profession? " Think for yourself: for so many years, the child's activity has been suppressed. What progress can be expected with this?

Passive children do not have their own position on vital issues, so they easily fall under the influence of others. It is good if the patron "pulls" the quiet one with him. And if he is not a very respectable person and manipulates, brings suffering? It is even more frightening when the authority of the parents is replaced by the priority of a company in which the teenager is offered a drink, or even "injecting".

Others, however, never go through the stage of self-determination. Of the two possibilities of “being themselves” and “being loved by their mother,” they choose the latter, remaining “exemplary children” until retirement age.

Bright personality

Today in society people with an active position are valued. Success is achieved by people with a bright personality, fresh ideas, leadership qualities.

Man by nature is a self-developing creature. And the baby develops only when he wants to, he decides and does.

Parents need to understand that the child is entitled to their own opinion. It may not always be convenient for you. Believe me, the ability to defend your point of view in life is still useful.

Children love the feeling of carelessness that adults who decide for him give him. He does not bear any responsibility, so it is easy and carefree for him to go through life. You cannot bring up a performer of other people's requirements from a baby, otherwise nothing will be achieved.

A simple example. A pebble hit the kid during a walk. He runs to his mother with a complaint - a pebble interferes with walking. Most mothers take off their shoes and do everything for the child. But you can explain to him how to help yourself: take off your shoe, shake out the pebble. And not just tell, but wait for the kid to do it himself.

Can anything be allowed? Anything that does not threaten life and health. Let the kid make his own decisions, encourage initiative, channel his energy in the right direction - get interested in sports or creativity. Consult with him on all, even minor issues. Let the child face a choice and learn to make a choice. This is the only way to cultivate independence, initiative, responsibility. Even ask the crumbs what plate he wants to eat, what clothes to wear. The main thing is that he knows how to want and achieve what he wants.

Another remedy against passivity is interest in the outside world. Invite children to visit, show your child that playing with friends, sculpting and drawing together is great. In outdoor games, entrust the quiet person with a responsible role. If children are building a house, let it be the quiet one to crown it with a roof. If you play "the train", instruct him to be a train driver and run ahead of everyone.

Talk to the quiet one more often, constantly ask if he liked the book he read, and why, what he wants to receive as a gift and why, etc.

Yes, not all schoolchildren are inattentive and forgetful! Moreover, they are responsible. And in terms of study as well. From an early age, they are super collected. They remember homework assignments. Often these are excellent students. Is it easy for such children? For parents for school, they are a godsend. Experience has shown that the tiny responsibility-bearers themselves do not really benefit from this quality.

What harm does responsibility do to “comfortable” children?

Just look at them! A small creature with serious eyes and adult behavior ... Yes, a child learns quickly, he himself wants it. He won't do anything. She studies well at school. Their memory is excellent. But!

Should there be a risk, even the slightest (for example, being late for class), these children are terribly nervous. Yes, and their assessments are unbalanced. Especially control ones. What's the bottom line? Constant stress in a responsible child is fraught with neurotic complications such as blinking, stumbling in speech, nail biting, etc.

See something like that? Don't wait until your child becomes a chronicler - go to a specialist. Especially if this is all happening against the background of increased responsibility. Lower it first.

What's inside works like a spring

Children of this type often do everything for praise. Although they are driven by a certain spring. It is she who pushes all the time to "feats" such as improved results, etc. It is unlikely that the parents brought up this quality - it is, rather, a highly developed quality in the child that is developed by the environment. He, having seen how someone from the family needs something, then as it turns out. And always on time.

But! It is better to weaken this internal spring from childhood.

How to relax the inner spring

These can be phrases, some behavioral moments that will say better than words what you want to convey to the child ... For example:

• remind the child that he is not responsible for this or that, as well as for everything that happens around,
• say that you yourself will figure it out without his help,
• say that he can perform not on the five, but on the four,
• clarify that not only the result is important to you, but also the condition of the child, the ways in which he achieves the result ...

Responsible child is adult-friendly

Yes, a responsible person, even a small person in a family, is good. You don't have to bother with them in terms of organizing reading, games and other activities. Moreover, children, having found a job for themselves, will do it to the maximum.

But there are critical situations in the family, such as divorce, death of relatives. And here an independent child, feeling a threat to the family, takes full responsibility. Parents do not notice that some changes are taking place with the child.

But it also happens in another way. They continue to place the burden of responsibility on the child, including household chores, or keeping secret with the child, not childishly.

Such children are comfortable at school too.

Let's imagine a situation. At school, in the classroom, everyone is equal to someone. This is our responsible child. This is a huge responsibility, and it cannot but press. Especially when you need to do something at speed, because responsible children do not know how to fly! That is, coming home from school, where they are being pressured, home, where they also stress, such a child falls into a vice.

Who will regulate liability

One can imagine how a child is so overwhelmed ... This is not just a physiological malfunction. The nervous system will start to fail if the child is not relaxed. Find the right words for your child to understand you. Make him accept different circumstances, including failure, situations where he cannot influence something.

First, teach you to physically relax - in the water, on a swing, in a park, during a massage, during creative activities (drawing, modeling, etc.). Then convey to the child the idea that a person should rest and sleep, and not just work. But even more important is not your words, but your actions. So teach yourself how to relax!

Try to make your vacation a part of your family's life. Then your little responsible person will get a chance not to turn into a neurotic, but to live so that there is joy both from the “external interface” and from the “internal ...

Everyone remembers the expression that children are the flowers of life. According to him, babies born to their parents late can be called winter flowers. It is always a miracle, a storm of emotions and a sea of \u200b\u200bjoy. The responsible role of parents and non-standard childhood. Parents at the age of 35-40 bodies are usually called late. And there are many positive things:

Professionally realized parents will devote more time to their child, in most cases, material stability will help show him more joys and wonders, give him a good upbringing and education;

To become a mother at a later age is to get a chance to realize herself in the role of a mother from the best side, since a woman will be more psychologically ready for this new role of her, the role of a loving mother, than she could be with early motherhood;

A woman can always count on the support of a psychologically more mature male father;

Until the birth of a late child, parents begin to understand each other more and more. The years spent together will allow the baby to grow up in the world of mutual understanding, love and patience. In families with early marriage, where psychological incompatibility can be revealed after the birth of a child, children often become the subject of irritation, creatures on which all the parents' dissatisfaction with each other is dumped;

Late parents will be practically unaware of the "midlife crisis", since they simply will not notice it in children's troubles;

Such parents already have something to pass on to their offspring, and this is the experience of a long life, and not just school years;

Usually, when children are born at an early age, their growing up and leaving for an independent life is accompanied by an age crisis of the parents. In the situation of a late child, this event is postponed, which in itself mitigates the consequences;

Parents, whose late child is not the first, thereby create an excellent environment for raising and growing up a child - they already have a wealth of experience and a different age group of the immediate environment, brothers and sisters.

But, as in any barrel of honey, for the birth of a late child there are negative sidesallocated by psychologists. But, remarkably, these aspects are more suitable for families where the late child is the first in the family, and less suitable in large families, in which everything is no longer so acute.

Late parents often have only one baby. If there are more late children, then, as a rule, the age difference between them is small, which is not very good for the physiological state of the mother, and for the father it will be mentally difficult;

Complications during pregnancy can "go sideways" not only to the health of the mother, but also in raising the baby

Parents may be too patronizing and caring;

Parents of a late child are more prone to self-criticism, which can lead to uncertainty about parenting. But good, adult psychologically, fathers will help mothers to cope with this;

Very late parents may find it difficult to play outdoor games with their children, and the child may be inactive. Or the children themselves may be drawn to younger playmates, which may offend mom and dad in some way;

The decline in parental sex life can also negatively affect the child, as parents can unconsciously release stress on him;

Particularly late parents can also make exaggerated demands on their children, as there can be an alarming feeling of limited life;

Probably the most unpleasant thing about late parenting is the opinion of other people. You need to be prepared that many will call such parents grandparents. It will be necessary to learn not to pay attention to this, to restrain emotions and not to allow the baby to develop complexes regarding mom and dad.

Constant self-development should be a constant companion of late moms and dads so that your own child does not consider you too old.

But all these negative aspects can be completely experienced and even destroyed if you behave correctly and, in general, foresee all this in advance.

Psychology of late children

The main component of the psychology of late children is the age at which mom and dad gave birth to them. The situation can be different - whether the child will be the only one, or the youngest, or one of the later. If the children have a difference of six years, then the psyche of each child will be formed independently, like the psyche of an only child in a family.

Positive features of late babies

Late children adapt much better than others to people of different ages - adults do not seem "too old" to them compared to themselves;

Since late children are given much more time, they can develop from all sides, and the favorable environment created by the parents will facilitate this;

It is noteworthy that many more geeks are born to adult mothers who are over thirty;

Even if there are several children in the family, this will not interfere with the proper development of the child, because the parents have a rich parenting experience, and many negative moments simply will not emerge;

If the late parents are quite developed from the point of view of creativity, then there is a possibility of "memorizing" these abilities by the sex cells, which will allow the baby to pass on all the inclinations of the parents, which can be developed if desired;

Late children become independent very early, which helps them in the future, due to the strong guardianship of their parents. True, this can interfere in childhood, since it will be just childish protests and, often, disobedience;

If there are several children in the family, then the older children can partially replace or supplement the parents with the youngest, which is not bad at all.

What is negative

A child may start to feel fear very early. This is the fear of early parental abandonment, often dictated by knowledge about age, gleaned from life or inspired by the fears of the parents themselves; - Rarely, but there are cases when, as a late child, parents tried to preserve the marriage, and this, of course, cannot but affect the upbringing and environment in the family;

Not always a big age difference between older brothers and sisters has a positive effect, because there may simply not be trust between children;

Often, for a late, and especially an only child, parents have excessive demands, and this can negatively affect the child's nervous system;

Late children are more prone to manic-depressive syndrome (by 11%), are more likely to be born with Down syndrome, autism and other bad diagnoses (this is especially true for fathers 45-55 years old);

In cases where fathers are over 45, late children sometimes may not be able to socially adapt;

Often, children still feel the psychological weakness of their parents in front of them, and take advantage of this. And parents who are unstable to tears and whims of the baby give in, thereby rendering the child a disservice;

If the child is the only one, and both parents have no experience of upbringing, then it can happen exclusively "according to books", which is not a good method;

Conversely, experienced parents can put too much pressure on the child with their authority, and this will take away the right to their own opinion;

It should be remembered that the long-awaited only child often becomes selfish and capricious, who does not regard the parents serving him as anything and uses this manner in his future life;

Later children can be very painful to perceive the negative attitude of people towards his parents;

As for the environment, for children from late families it is, most often, also "adult" - the kid may simply not perceive peers.

But all these negative nuances also may not carry any meaning, if you know about them in advance and exclude them from your future life with your baby.

After all, a late child is an even greater miracle given to you by fate! So take this chance to raise a good person. Good luck!