For young people
Is it worth punishing? Should children be punished for random misdeeds? Is it worth punishing a child?

Is it worth punishing? Should children be punished for random misdeeds? Is it worth punishing a child?

The process of education is quite complex, since it must occur daily, and its success depends on the consistency and purposefulness of actions in adults. But no matter how hard parents try from birth to explain to their child the rules and norms of behavior in society, there still comes a moment when he breaks them, after which punishment necessarily follows. This is where a problem arises for adults, since not each of them knows how to punish a child for disobedience correctly, so that this process is effective, and the child does not do the same in the future. This is a more serious problem than it seems at first glance.

How can you punish a child for disobedience?

First of all, you need to understand that there is a clear prohibition in the process of education, which in no case should be violated - physical punishment is unacceptable! No matter what your child has done, force should never be used on him or her. Even if children become too stubborn, they do all their actions intentionally, and no persuasion works, you still need to look for other methods of punishment, you need to find those words or actions that can influence the child’s behavior. It is better to study special literature that will tell you how to properly punish children for disobedience.

You need to stop your child’s wrong actions immediately after you notice them. Before punishing, you need to be absolutely sure that it was your child who committed a specific bad act, and your actions will be lawful, because otherwise the punishment will have the opposite effect. And then you will begin to think about disobedience constantly.

Should children always be punished for disobedience?

Sometimes parents confuse intentional whims with whims due to illness, hunger or thirst, and very often children behave this way after illness because they feel weak. This can be expressed as follows: during lunch they want to sleep, and during the day they feel a surge of energy. In this case, you cannot punish the child, because the change in the daily routine is unintentional. Therefore, you first need to find out what they are trying to achieve before punishing children for disobedience. Komarovsky says: you need to explain to kids that their whims only upset their parents.

At what age can you punish a child?

Psychologists say that punishing a child under two and a half years old does not make any sense. The child does not realize what he has done, but will think that his parents suddenly stopped loving him because they forbid him to play the usual games that he played before. Yes, the child understands that this toy is broken or the wall is dirty, but he does not understand that this cannot be done and does not feel guilty, so parents are advised not to punish the child until this age. There is no need to think about how to punish children for disobedience, you just need to explain to the child each time the consequences of his behavior, for example, that a plate may break if you throw it away, a toy may break and the child will no longer be able to play with it.

At this age, your own example will be effective. Parents can show which actions will please loved ones and which will upset them.

Only upon reaching the age of 2.5-3 years does the child slowly begin to independently manage his actions and behavior. But this does not mean that you need to immediately go to great lengths and punish the baby. And at this age, this must be done correctly. First of all, you need to calm down. Under no circumstances should you shout. Try to tell your child the reason why he is wrong, strictly but calmly. In just a year, the child will be able to independently distinguish good deeds from bad ones. If you punished him correctly, he will be afraid of your anger, and he will admit everything himself. That's why you need to know how to punish children for disobedience.

Remember also about the peculiarity of three-year-old children to go against their parents, not because they want to annoy you, but because they begin to feel their independence and are trying to show it.

How to properly punish a three-year-old child

When choosing at this age, take into account the fact how much control you have over your emotions at the moment, whether you can listen to your baby, and whether you can devote enough time to him to analyze the situation.

When a child reaches three years of age, he begins to take an active interest in the world around him. If earlier it was enough for him to simply touch something, now this interest is more global, and the main question becomes “Why?” He is not yet able to understand why he cannot draw on the wallpaper with pencils or pull the cat’s tail.

Rules for punishing children aged 6 to 10 years

At this age, children already understand and know what is good and what is bad. However, under certain circumstances, a child may have a desire to rebel, as if declaring his rights. The methods for punishing an 8-year-old child for disobedience should be the same as for younger children, but new principles also appear:

Before punishing a child for disobedience (9 years is the age when punishments should already occur), you need to make sure that there are no witnesses, since their presence will humiliate the child, which will lead to even greater persistence.
You cannot compare a child with other children; the result of this will not be good behavior, but lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities.
The child should have certain responsibilities at school and at home, but they should not be punishments, for example, he should not be punished with cleaning or homework.
The line of behavior should always be followed to the end, for example, if you decide not to talk to the baby, then you need to maintain this behavior until the child understands what he is to blame for, otherwise he will decide that you will always make concessions , and it will not be possible to get rid of misconduct.
Do not use the particle “not”, try to explain what needs to be done, and not prohibit it, for example, “You cannot eat with unwashed hands”, it is better to replace it with the phrase “You need to wash your hands before eating.” This way the child will understand that he is not forbidden to do something, but is told what is best to do.
Even minor offenses need to be punished. Remember that if after small violations of order the child remains unpunished, then they will become larger and larger each time, and it will no longer be possible to stop the fidget.

General rules of punishment

There are certain rules of punishment, compliance with which will help achieve the desired effect and not spoil the relationship with the child. They do not depend on the age of the baby.

The first rule is that you cannot take your anger out on a child. Regardless of the magnitude of the offense, punishment should be a calm and balanced action. Only in this way will it have sufficient strength. When anger breaks down, any punishment becomes unfair, the child will definitely feel this. He does not consider such punishments serious, he will simply be frightened by your scream, he may cry, but he will be sure that you are wrong, which means he will not change his behavior.

The punishment must necessarily correspond to the action. It shouldn't be too soft or too serious. To do this, you need to carefully analyze the situation; in addition, it is recommended to take into account many factors, for example, a second punishment for a similar offense should be more severe than the previous one. If the child understands his guilt and sincerely repents, then the punishment may be conditional.

In the event that several family members are involved in raising a child, all of them must adhere to the same opinion regarding punishment. For example, if dad punishes, and mom constantly regrets, then the child will understand that he can always get away from punishment. Therefore, before this, it is better for parents to consult and come to a common opinion.

Punishment is a way to show a child the consequences of his bad actions. It should not be aimed at intimidating the child; he must realize that this is not possible. Sometimes you don’t need to constantly think about how to punish a child for disobedience (10 years old - upon reaching this age, a person can clearly understand cause-and-effect relationships, which means that punishment will be effective), but it is better to find out the reasons for such behavior.

What happens if children are not punished?

Many modern parents believe that a child’s happy childhood is associated with the absence of punishment. They live in the hope that the child will outgrow his bad behavior and will understand everything with age. The American pediatrician also had this opinion. He believed that children require respect, recognition of natural needs, and considered punishment to be violence against the psyche. Thus, responsibility was completely removed from the child. However, this method of education leads to the fact that parents follow the lead of their own child. Yes, it’s easier for the baby to live this way now, in a world where the mother is responsible for everything, but as such a child grows up, it becomes much more difficult for him to adapt to society.

The main purpose of punishment

Correct punishment allows the child to form an idea of the boundaries of what is permitted, to avoid selfish, disrespectful attitudes towards other people, and will also help the child learn to organize himself. The absence of punishment will lead to the fact that for a certain time parents will simply accumulate irritation and negative emotions, which sooner or later will still result in punishment. Most likely, this will be the use of force, which will be a tragedy for the child.

If a child is not punished, he will not feel cared for because he will likely believe that his parents do not care what he does. Parental indulgence does not lead to changes in behavior, but only to conflicts. Therefore, in a child’s life there must be certain rules, restrictions and prohibitions.

If there are too many punishments

Equally, the absence of punishment and their excessive quantity do not lead to the desired result. In a family where a child is punished too often, there are two ways of personality development. Either he grows up intimidated, anxious, dependent, he does not understand what can be done and what cannot be done. Or the child may not comply with the norms, rebel, as a result of which both the first and second options are observed - this is an example of a person with psychological trauma. It will be difficult for parents to find an approach to a child who is often punished; as a result, difficulties will arise with accepting responsibility, self-esteem, and realizing oneself as an individual.

There is a widespread opinion among psychologists that a child must be punished; without this measure, he will not grow up to be a full-fledged harmonious personality. Many parents don’t know what to do: try to negotiate with their child or apply punishment?

Should a child be punished?

Those children who constantly hear threats from their parents and are subjected to regular beatings and punishments for the slightest prank grow up angry and angry. Such children will harbor a grudge against their parents for years, and when they grow up, they will take it out on others. Such parenting methods will never bring positive results.

But you can’t allow a child everything he wants either. He will not be able to learn to determine the boundary between good and evil, and will not notice that his behavior causes suffering to others. Parents must develop a sense of responsibility in the child, but at the same time they must maintain their authority. But when punishing a child, you need to make him feel loved.

Why is the child naughty?

To understand the boundaries of what is acceptable, the baby has to test the patience of mom and dad. Sometimes a child is simply curious and tries to understand where the acceptable line is. Sometimes parents themselves provoke their children to disobedience by first allowing something and then prohibiting it. The child does not understand the logic of punishment and stops paying attention to parental prohibitions.

There are children who have fun by testing their parents' patience. But you shouldn't be angry with such children. Most often, this is how they attract attention. This is how children who lack love and attention behave.

Approach to the child

It is not always possible to pacify a spoiled child with the help of conversations and persuasion. Sometimes a child needs punishment in order to understand that he is behaving incorrectly. There is no need to punish a child if adults have not previously told him that doing so is impermissible. The child may not understand why he was punished and will simply be offended. It is also important to consider the age of the baby. For example, it is unthinkable to punish a two-year-old child for constantly grabbing foreign objects. In such cases, you need to distract the restless person with something.

We punish with love

You need to understand that punishment must be carried out for a specific purpose and must bring the desired effect. The child must understand his mistake and try not to repeat it. Psychologists advise carrying out pedagogical work with children, guided by the following rules:

You need to punish a child in a calm state, when your emotions are balanced. Don't yell and don't allow yourself to insult your child. This will undermine not only your authority, but also your nerves. If you use physical violence, it should not cause pain to the baby. He will be afraid of you, but he may also stop loving you.

The child must be explained why he is being punished, and the time limits of the punishment must be clearly established. There is no need to shout to your child today that he is grounded for a week, and then forgive his disobedience tomorrow. This way the child will think that you will forgive him anyway. At the end of the sentence, you need to make a promise from the child that this will not happen again.

What techniques are prohibited

When punishing a child, try not to go too far. Never intimidate or humiliate a child, do not tell him how bad he is. In no case should a child be deprived of food or refused to communicate with him for the purpose of punishment. Such educational measures are not pedagogical and can lead to a deterioration in the child’s behavior.

Punish without witnesses

Some parents seek to publicly punish their child, which traumatizes him psycho-emotionally. There is no need to start a public showdown; it is better to wait until you are alone and have a conversation with your child. Children experience especially painful moments when their parents punish them and other children laugh at them.

Set the rules

A child should not grow up in an atmosphere of total prohibition. He shouldn't be intimidated. From an early age, the child must be given the right to choose: what to wear, what toy to take with him, etc. If you have set boundaries for punishment, then you do not need to abandon them the very next day. This practice will play a cruel joke on you.

Let's start with the question: is it even worth punishing a child? My answer is yes. The most important question here is how? Obviously, when it comes to punishment, many people imagine a terrible picture of “adult - belt - child” or a small creature standing crying in the corner...

A long time ago, when I didn’t have children, but I dreamed about them, life with them seemed to me like some kind of pleasant community, where everyone understands everything only because they are happy with each other’s very existence. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, this is not the case. It’s not that simple, and it’s oh-oh-oh-very responsible, right?

At first, I tried to discard thoughts about irritation and misunderstanding of the child’s behavior, as a result of which they simply accumulated and then resulted in nagging, grumbling, and grumbling. And somehow it started by itself, then I’ll shout, then I’ll slap...

In the end, in the “adult-child” relationship, the adult is not present as a mythical character, he is a living person, he gets tired, he wants to be alone, not always, but he wants to, right? You shouldn’t be afraid of this thought, and consider yourself a bad parent; this is normal and even correct, if you want. Only on mutual respect can we build good relationships with children. A child learns to communicate with people the way his parents communicate with him and with others, and accordingly, he learns to respect them when he sees how they respect him. Therefore, if we step aside when the baby is in a state of “I’m on my own!” puts on tights for half an hour, or draws scribbles, when he can already draw a circle, then it will be possible, necessary, useful and pleasant for him, feeling like an adult, to leave us alone with ourselves and play on our own.

And if he is allowed and justified to express his “fi” by squealing, stomping, showing his tongue (this makes our youngest son delighted and indignant at the same time), then we, I think, have the right to express our justified, logical dissatisfaction with the child’s behavior through punishment.

By the way, the worst punishment for a child is temporary excommunication from communication with adults. One nun recalled how her father punished her: he sat opposite her and said, “Well, how are we going to continue?” silently looked into her eyes. The little girl loved him so much, and it seemed to her that he might suddenly become upset and disappear, that after that she tried for a long time to be obedient. The father was serious at the same time, but rather gentle than harsh.

The best punishment, it seems to me, would be to deprive him of something pleasant and familiar, for example, reading together, playing games, watching cartoons, candy, etc.

Golden rules of punishment:

Do not punish for the same thing several times.

Punish only when it is impossible otherwise (there are actually much fewer such cases than it seems).

Punish for everything at once, and not for each offense separately.

Punish calmly, do not shout (the face should not be distorted in a grimace, children are scared of the face and do not understand the essence), be sure to explain why you have to do this.

Punish out of love, not out of malice. (We have to drink bitter herbs, but after that we get better).

Do not abuse excommunication from communication with adults if you have to resort to this method.

I’ll keep silent about corporal punishment; I hope that we all rarely have to do this and it would be nice if we didn’t have to at all.

In conclusion, I will say that my children know the word “punishment.” And my vector in relations with them is aimed at mutual respect, friendship, and also at honoring parents and grandparents.

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Hello, dear readers. In this article you will learn how to punish a child for disobedience. We will look at possible reasons for children's misbehavior. You will become aware of ways to peacefully resolve current situations.

Parenting styles

Perhaps you yourself do not know which method you follow with your child. Let's look at the possible options:

democratic style - parents give the child the right to vote, he is a full member of society, his opinion is listened to;
authoritarian - the child’s will is constantly suppressed, the parents themselves decide how to act in a given situation, what is best for the child;
mixed - parents skillfully combine relaxation with a strict regime.

I try to be democratic towards my child. From early childhood I communicate with him as equals, always listen to his opinion, and often ask his advice.

Reasons for disobedience

The child does not understand why he is being scolded. He sees no wrong in his actions.
An attempt to be independent and not be influenced by others.
The child behaves badly if he is humiliated and insulted. This is a response to constant oppression. Often observed when compared to someone better and more successful.
Weak nervous system. A child may have low self-esteem and is easily influenced by others, which is why he often gets into trouble.
The baby begins to go against the grain when he is forced to do something he does not like, especially if he is distracted from his favorite activity.
Age crisis. Changes in character and behavior, ways to self-actualize and show their independence are most often observed in children at one year old, 3 years old, 7 years old and during adolescence.
Inconsistency. Mom can prohibit something one day, and then allow it the next. The toddler does not develop a cause-and-effect relationship due to changes in prohibitions.
The intersection of different methods of punishment. When using their own methods, and mom and dad using different ones.
A way to attract attention.
With increased control and an excess of prohibitions, the little one sooner or later begins to resist the established order.
Not keeping your words. When punishment is announced but not carried out.
Parents lack of respect for their child.
A method for determining the limits of permissibility.

Age characteristics

Parents must understand that children at a very early age do not understand why they are being punished and may simply decide that mom or dad does not love them at all.
As for children from one to two years old, the best way is to wean the child from the dirty action and transfer his attention to another process. You also need to remember to explain what he did wrong.
At the age of three, a difficult period begins, the baby tries with all his might to show his independence and resists the requests of his parents. During this period, the best way of punishment is to refuse to buy the expected toy or to stop playing.
Children from three to five years of age are already beginning to receive their first real punishments; this is the time to establish disciplined measures. The baby may be placed in a corner or left to sit on a chair “for naughty children.”
A six- to seven-year-old child needs to be explained the wrongness of his behavior, given examples, and actively developed empathy.
It is worth considering that for children in adolescence it is necessary to apply such measures of punishment so as not to infringe or humiliate them. Remember that they react very sensitively. It is best to deprive, for example, the opportunity to play on the computer or prevent you from meeting a friend.

Effective methods

Let's look at how you can punish a child for his misdeeds.

Housework. They are especially effective if you punish your child for littering or drawing on the walls. Invite him to sweep or wipe the drawing.
You can put the baby in a corner or take him into a room without toys; give him a few minutes to analyze his actions.
Eliminate pleasant things. For example, deprive a child of sweets due to bad behavior.
Punishment from the outside. Children react very sharply if a passerby starts talking about the child’s unacceptable actions.
When a child tries to do something that will cause him harm in some way, sometimes you can allow it. He will learn from his mistakes. An example of such a situation is the desire to eat mustard and distrust of mother’s words that it is bitter.
Invite the little one to choose his own method of punishment.
Scream. This method is permissible only in case of an emergency prohibition of some action. But you should not abuse this method; over time, the baby will stop responding to it.
A chair “for naughty children.” When a child misbehaves, they sit him on such a piece of furniture, making sure to explain what was done wrong. Leave the child sitting on the chair for a short time. This method is sometimes practiced in kindergartens.
Ignoring children. After a bad deed, pretend that you do not notice the child, do not talk to him. But you shouldn’t get carried away in this way for too long.

Sometimes I resort to this method. Sometimes a few minutes are enough for my son to come up to me, start hugging me and asking for forgiveness for his wrongdoing.

A stern look. If your baby is obedient and efficient, this method of punishment will be enough for him to realize his mistakes.
Explain what the child’s offense is, analyze his offense in detail, and jointly analyze his actions.

What not to do

It is important that parents know how to punish a child so as not to cause serious harm to his psyche.

The trouble is that young and inexperienced mothers and fathers often make mistakes, which leads to an aggravation of the situation, sometimes causing serious harm to the psychological health of the baby.

You must take into account that incorrect punishment leads to the child’s isolation, frequent protests, reluctance to communicate with parents, difficulties in school, in the future and in life.

You should not humiliate your baby. Never compare your child with other children, much less call him names.
You cannot punish a toddler with such measures as depriving him of food, water, dousing him with cold water, or kneeling on his rump.
At the same time for a number of offenses. There is no need to immediately take action for several offenses; it is better to choose the most serious one.
Do not use public punishment. This action leads to serious psychological trauma and fear of people in the future.
If you have already spoken out about punishment, do not take back your words. This way you will only lose all authority in the child’s eyes, and he will stop taking your words seriously.
You should not tell your child that you will think about the method of punishment and announce it the next day. The toddler will be under severe nervous tension for a day, and this will not lead to anything good.
Never that he would do.

Parents may encounter situations in which the question arises: is it possible to punish a child for committing a specific offense? The child needs to be reprimanded if he deliberately behaves in a way that was prohibited.

In what cases is punishment unacceptable:

for displaying standard emotions: jealousy of a younger brother, envy of other people's things;
if the baby gets to know the world around him: jumps in puddles, disassembles objects into parts;
cannot go to the potty due to poor memory, increased activity;
for manifestations of neurological diseases;
for acts of negligence, for example, spilling tea on the carpet.

Parents should take into account some features when applying punishment.

Punish immediately. For example, after committing a crime, immediately put him in a corner, and do not deprive him of going to the cinema tomorrow.
The punishment must be commensurate with the offence.
The child should feel that he is being scolded. Do not make any concessions, for example, putting your baby in a corner, do not allow him to take a teddy bear or his favorite car with him.
The punishment should not be too long.
Don't threaten your baby with something you can't do.
Always clarify what exactly turned out to be a bad action.
Do not punish in the presence of strangers.
Do not threaten the child with punishment, do not say that Babayka or the Gray Wolf will come for him.
Remain completely calm, do not feel sorry for the baby, do not make concessions.
Don’t forget to praise your child once again for doing the right thing.
Tell your child what actions are good and what are bad.
It is very important that your opinion completely coincides with the opinion of the other parent.
Become a positive role model yourself.
Always take into account the temperament and age characteristics of the baby.
Don't take it out on your child if you're in a bad mood.

Now you know in what ways and when you can apply punishment. Remember what points need to be taken into account in these situations and how to behave inappropriately. Choose a single parenting model and follow it together with other members of your family. I wish your baby to grow up in a healthy atmosphere, to be obedient and cheerful!

Every parent sooner or later faces the question: is it worth punishing a child? In this article we will analyze all the intricacies of this issue in order to do the right thing in such a situation.

Punishment of children is one of the elements of upbringing, therefore it must be present in one degree or another in the life of a child. The essence of punishment is to explain to the child a concept, convey important information, and try to distinguish between areas of interest. Unlike explanation, punishment is always expressed in disciplinary form - it is through severity that the desired effect is achieved.

Basis of impact

Punishment should not be physical - a child who is beaten withdraws into himself and loses his potential for further development. By breaking the child’s psyche from an early age, parents deprive their child of the opportunity to fully develop and build relationships with peers, adults, and relatives. Fear acquired in childhood can develop into a complex that will prevent a person from realizing his ambitions in the personal and professional sphere.

The method of punishment is selected individually in each family, based on the characteristics of the child’s character, his preferences, and the code of relations accepted between generations.

Explain to children

Try to understand the logic of the baby's reasoning - a child under two years of age is not yet able to correlate action and consequences. He doesn’t understand how a game with matches might end, why a cat might feel pain when its tail is pulled, etc. There is no point in punishing a child for what he does not understand - explain how jokes with dangerous objects can end, but do not hope that your words will be heard and understood. Exploratory interest prevails, and the baby will continue to try to get closer to a forbidden object or perform a forbidden action. At this age, you need to protect the child, deprive him of the opportunity to perform these actions, and stop him at the right moment.

You need to learn to negotiate with older children - this way you will avoid many problems, the solution to which many see only in punishments for misconduct. Talk to your child as an equal, justify your actions, give examples.

Scope of punishment

The question of what should be punished for and what not is one of the most difficult. Parents who adhere to an authoritarian parenting style risk raising a weak-willed and insecure person. In families where children are allowed everything, most often they grow up to be spoiled, capricious and completely dependent people. Sticking to the “golden mean” is not easy - define for yourself the limits of what is permitted. A child should be punished for what he does intentionally, knowing in advance that this will be followed by condemnation of his actions and actions - most often, this is what he has already done once and for which he received punishment. You cannot scold a child if he realizes the gravity of the act, sincerely repents and makes attempts to correct the situation. When children show curiosity and accidentally break equipment and household appliances, this should be considered as learning about the world - after all, you did not warn the child in advance that he could ruin something. You cannot punish a child for something that is a manifestation of an illness or neurological disorder - for a wet bed, stuttering, bitten nails, etc.

It can be difficult to accept the personality of your own child - parents want to be an authority for the child, but they often confuse this concept with dictate. A child should not unquestioningly obey adults just because they know what is best for him.

Be fair in punishment

Never punish children based on someone’s words - if you have not witnessed the conflict, then try to get evidence of the child’s involvement in the incident, his guilt. A single precedent of undeserved punishment and the ensuing resentment and loss of faith in justice can forever change a child’s perception of reality. Believe your child, learn to trust and communicate with him. Try to resolve conflicts in which several children are involved, and never punish “for company” or “for prevention.”

Strictly adhere to the rules of behavior in the family - if you yourself do not follow them, then you should not demand this from your child. So that the child knows which of the actions will be punished, explain to him the basic rules, clearly dividing them into what is strictly forbidden to do and what is allowed under certain conditions.

Punish correctly

Insults, swear words, and labeling are unacceptable - such methods can cause retaliatory aggression, anger, or complete indifference to what is happening in the child. Among the productive methods of punishment, one can highlight ignoring - deprivation of parental attention and live communication for a while. Be sure to warn your child, explaining why you do not want to talk to him and always keep your promise - be consistent, and then ignoring will be effective.

Conversations give very good results - explain to the child the essence of the problem, find out the reasons for his actions and behavior. Such conversations should be confidential - do not scold, do not blame, do not criticize.

Always outline the prospects and effectiveness of undesirable actions. If the baby does not want to get dressed, then the walking time will have to be shortened. For not wanting to put away the toys, he will lose a bedtime story, since time was lost that should have been spent reading the book. By punishing himself, the child learns to take responsibility for his actions.

One of the common methods of punishing children is to keep them in one place, without moving - on a chair, in a corner, etc. This is a symbolic punishment and is supposed to make the child aware of his actions during the period of inactivity. The method does not always work and not with all children - hyperactive children cannot sit still for a long time. Such children should be punished by depriving them of their favorite entertainment - watching cartoons, playing on the computer, etc.

When punishing a child, always indicate your dissatisfaction with his actions, and not with his personality - he must be sure that he is still loved.