What is more important to love or to be loved? What is better: to love or to be loved. What is true love
There is a strong opinion that there is always someone in a couple one loves more, and the other simply allows himself to be loved.
The statement is controversial, and if you analyze it in detail, it turns out that such a distribution of feelings is quite beneficial to each of the partners.
Indeed, there are people who Difficulty accepting equality: they do not know how to receive and give equally; their resource can only work in one direction.
For example, these people revel in their love for the object of their adoration, and reciprocity is not the most valuable criterion for them. So what is better: to love or to be loved? Let's find out the opinion of experts.
How to let go of the person you love? will help you!
Psychology of one-sided feeling
Healthy relationships are defined very simply.- I love, he loves me, I want to make my partner happy, he wants to make me happy.
A completely understandable and reasonable equality, which, however, does not always occur.
At least every second person experiences various neurotic spectrum problems. And the higher the level of development of society, the more these problems there are.
There are a lot of people who don't know how to be in healthy relationships. They have not seen examples of such understanding and acceptance, or they once received an important emphasis on something else, and now they are looking for the same emotions all their lives.
For them, the inequality of love is its own value. Their position “I love, but I don’t” turns into a goal, an obsession, a meaning. Conquering your partner, constantly searching for new forms of demonstrating your love become the meaning.
Many people, to put it simply, love themselves in these sufferings, searches, conquests. They like to be close to someone who does not completely become their person. This keeps them in some tension and gives their own lives some spice.
This keeps the lover in constant good shape, which for many people is a necessary maintenance of the “fire of life.” In a word, one-sided love for a person is not forced suffering, a given, but a completely conscious choice.
To love or to allow yourself to be loved? Which strategy is right? Psychologist's opinion:
How to distinguish love from falling in love? find out right now.
Why doesn't a person need reciprocation?
In a relationship, does one always love and the other allows himself to be loved?
There is a valuable note here: a huge number of people strive not for, but for an ideal marital relationship.
It would seem that this is one and the same thing - but no, there is sometimes a whole abyss between these two concepts.
Judge for yourself: For many, ideal family relationships include a clear distribution of responsibilities, adherence to certain routines, the absence of quarrels, and, figuratively speaking, smooth family life. What does this have to do with love?
Love is living and changing substance. passion and knowledge of each other is replaced by grinding, the value of new qualities in each other, recognition of partners in new social roles.
At first you are a man and a woman who are just dating. Then you live together, everyday life interferes with the relationship. Then you are husband and wife, you find each other in new roles. Then you are the parents, etc.
The process of recognition and acceptance cannot be smooth. A living organism changes, grows, and overcomes some obstacles. Loving people may quarrel, but healthy love is the desire to protect the other from suffering.
Frequent quarrels are a love of quarrels and dependence on them, and not an indicator of the high passions of passionately in love people.
If you think that you love, but the other only allows himself to be loved, this is not a love story at all.
Remember, in a healthy relationship, in true love:
- you both strive to make each other happier;
- you both care about each other;
- you both need expressions of your love;
- you both expect reciprocal feelings and accept them.
What is the contradiction? And the point is that, due to your characteristics and expectations, you may regard the actions of the other person in a couple as insufficient.
This is what the wife thinks:“Yes, for his sake I manage to do everything - clean, cook, pick up the children from kindergarten, keep everything clean and in order. And he comes home from work, eats and just washes the dishes. I love him more!
Tell me, was there an initial agreement in this couple: how to express the volume of their love? Most likely not, few people actually discuss this. Often, a husband accepts his wife’s care, but his care does not manifest itself in the “I’ll do even more” competition.
He came, ate, saw only the unwashed dishes from the work front (and the wife actually managed to do the rest herself), and he washed them. And she sits, offended. What do we have to do? Talk. And do not give your expectations to another person.
Admire the ideal or be it?
Why is it important for some to know that you are loved, while for others it is important to love yourself?
One very popular Russian singer has been for many years, both in his creative work and in a more traditional way. talks about his unearthly, enduring love to another very popular Russian singer.
This part of his image and probably part of his nature. The most interesting thing is that for this person reciprocity is not of primary importance. He revels in his own love, and its unrequited nature gives a special color to his feelings.
It is very easy to love an ideal. He cannot disappoint, he is always constant, he was invented by us ourselves according to our own requests. This is love that always burns, it is insured against disappointments. In a word, this is a very beneficial feeling.
Reverse story- a person cannot live without the feeling that he is madly loved. Moreover, it doesn’t matter who loves. The main thing is that he constantly feels someone's crazy dependence on him.
Such people are often collect fans, and constantly “monitor” the degree of love and the quality of affection. There are several reasons for this: internal complexes that eat a person from the inside, “sagging” self-sufficiency, hypertrophied egocentrism.
Loving yourself: pros and cons
Through love a person knows himself. Both negative and positive traits are revealed through the way a person loves.
Because the main advantage of love that does not require reciprocity, this is an opportunity to understand that you are yourself.
Are you capable of selflessness, of action, of constancy? Sometimes it turns out that before the first strong love arises, a person does not understand himself and does not realize who he is.
pros, if you love yourself:
- A person is happy in love - it inspires, it creates meaning, it makes your life more interesting and brighter, no matter how banal it may sound.
- You learn to love - you do not tolerate someone’s feelings that may be suffocating you, but you feel for your own manifestations of love.
It's a rare person who regrets what he once loved. But often people regret that they loved those who did not respect them in the first place.
This from a series of unhealthy relationships, which should not be worried even because of experience.
Being loved: advantages and disadvantages
And this too self-knowledge.
You can take a closer look at yourself: how you respond to another person’s feelings, whether it pleases or worries you, whether it nourishes or takes away energy.
Because this a definite plus of one-sided love if they love you. Finally, many people themselves are capable of strong feelings only in response to someone’s love.
They may fall in love out of gratitude, and this may very well be a happy story. This is the confidence that you give your heart to someone who appreciates and adores you.
Disadvantage of non-reciprocal love- this is dissatisfaction. Many people feel awkward because they cannot reciprocate their love. They feel indebted to him, and often enter into relationships out of a sense of duty.
But a reciprocal attitude cannot be achieved. And these are already destructive processes within oneself; again, nothing good comes from such an imbalance.
What is more important - to love or to be loved? What does reciprocity depend on? You will learn the answers to these questions from the video:
What to do if you fall in love with a teacher? Find out about this from ours.
How to behave in a relationship where you love? You don’t need to strive for a visually perfect relationship, but to true love.
This story is about feelings that will not be incomplete if you do not demonstrate them on social networks, if you do not look for visible ones for yourself.
If you love:
- Try to be honest and objective. It is very important to understand whether you love this person, or your ideal image, which you so successfully tried on him.
- Think about what you are missing in your relationship. If the first thing you think about is reciprocity, then you are ready for healthy and true love. But if the answers are passion, adventure, changing yourself (from the “I’m not good enough for the object of my love” series), then you are dependent on a painful relationship. You need to work on yourself and put everything in its place.
- The famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky emphasizes in his speeches - Don't waste yourself on a person who doesn't respect you. And if he didn’t respect you from the beginning, then there was no need to start a relationship at all.
Probably everyone had unreciprocal stories. The question is whether you became “addicted” to them or made other conclusions in favor of maintaining a stable psyche.
But only with a stable psyche can you count on a happy and long relationship.
Beloved
How to behave in a relationship where you are loved? Let's start with, is it worth entering into this relationship at all?
Before agreeing to them, think about why are you doing this?
What is the true reason for such agreement? If this is a feeling of gratitude, then it should be very strong, and not just based on your complexes. Relationships cannot begin with the premise “what if no one else loves you.”
If they love you:
- Reasonably assess the chances of how real reciprocal love is. If this is not your person at all, but I will try, be prepared for a path full of disappointments for both.
- Try to understand what motivates a person. If it is a quiet and delicate love, it makes sense to take a closer look at this person, but if it is an exhausting, destructive feeling, and your potential partner artificially inflates the situation of suffering and sadness, perhaps it is not about you and not about the desire to love and care for you. You are just a convenient pawn in a game tied to your own neurosis.
- It happens that a person I'm just not ready for a new relationship. You cannot accept the love of another until your heart, brain, soul have left the past in the past. Sometimes timing is the best thing you can choose.
A painful relationship is the road to an oncologist and cardiologist in the future. Psychologists are sure of this, and there is no need to check the accuracy of the statement.
If a person smothers you with his love and says that you replace the whole world for him, think about whether he has his own world at all? Sometimes a person simply fills his emptiness with painful love.
In a normal relationship, everything is simple. You immediately understand who you are.
And love each other not good, but as they are. It’s worth understanding this before you have children or acquire common real estate.
Love does not require sacrifice. Just like beauty does not require sacrifice. Just as health does not require them either (ill health requires sacrifices). Choose yourself in everything.
This is not about selfishness, this is the reason for the priority of a healthy psyche is always. And it is possible with balance, when you yourself give and receive. This is the only way to achieve the integrity of the relationship.
How to get rid of love addiction? you will find on our website.
What is better for a woman - to love herself or to be loved? Expert opinion:
ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES
Previously, no one especially asked girls whether they loved the young men who wooed them or not - in those days they were more concerned about something else. For example, how many cows, pigs, and chests of money the groom has (in fact, the groom was interested in the same thing in relation to the bride). Now, of course, it is also not uncommon for people to marry chests of money (cows no longer interest anyone), but this is a separate conversation. Today we are talking about something else, about what is more important - is unrequited love enough (when one loves, and the other only allows himself to be loved, when one kisses, and the other only turns his cheek) for marriage? . Let's look at the pros and cons of such a union.
To be honest, we women find it extremely flattering when we know that there is someone who loves us. And even if this someone is completely indifferent to us, it’s still nice - self-esteem increases! It turns out that you are still nothing, despite a couple of extra pounds, a grumbling disposition and clearly not a fashion model appearance. The presence of a Knight nearby, even if bald, fat and old, living in a communal apartment with his mother, but hopelessly in love and ready to fulfill your every whim, any desire, makes you feel like a kind of Beautiful Lady. He gives flowers, takes them to theaters, and sometimes - if you're lucky - dedicates poetry. He appears at your first call and looks at you with devoted eyes, demanding nothing in return. Well, tell me, who doesn’t like this? So we condescendingly decide that it’s not a sin to walk down the aisle for someone so faithful and loving - let him carry it in his arms until retirement (unless, of course, he wears it out first). But, strange as it may seem at first glance, everything that was liked about the chosen one before the wedding begins to irritate after some time. And the advantages gradually turn into disadvantages.
I realized from my own experience that allowing yourself to be loved without reciprocating is unbearable torture. My husband and I have been living for seven years, we have two children, and everything looks great on the outside. But I never felt real passion for him - only sympathy. While he, before and now, literally goes crazy when we part even for half a day, takes care of me like a little child, says a lot of tender words. My friends say that I’m crazy and don’t understand my own happiness, and they openly envy me, because their “halves” are not averse to drinking, and going to the left, and some can even raise their hand. And mine, no matter how you look at it, is so positive that it’s just a role model. But that's why it hurts me! I understand that he deserves more - real love, but not gratitude for love!
And in such a situation, it is not clear who should be pitied more: a man or a woman. One thing is clear - it’s hard for both of them. A woman realizes that it is more important for her to be loved, but she thereby treats her partner as a consumer, and this often gives her a feeling of guilt towards her husband, which, by the way, can lead to serious neurosis. A man goes out of his way to try to win the love of his chosen one, but in response he receives only a vague “thank you” instead of ardent passion. This depresses him, and gradually his love is replaced by growing day by day irritation and aggression towards his partner: “I’m already doing everything to please her, but it’s still not enough for her! What else does she need?!” Therefore, in such families, constant clashes, quarrels, mutual dissatisfaction and fatigue with each other are inevitable.
WILL STAND UP - FALL IN LOVE?
According to psychologists, “falling in love” is not always possible. To be more precise, this happens in very rare cases. More often, events develop according to other scenarios. In one case (the worst), mutual squabbles give rise to almost hatred towards each other. And living with a person who disgusts you is not an easy test. In another case, both eventually come to terms with the fact that they will never be able to love each other again, and try to build a relationship at least on a friendly basis. This is more like an agreement between two sober-minded people who decided that the interests of the children come first, and therefore there is no point in breaking up the family. Perhaps, in this case, children really do not suffer as much as during a divorce (although this is also a big question, because a child can copy the model of parental relationships in his adult life), but can you call such a family harmonious and happy?
In addition, remember Freud, we should not forget about sex, an important component of family happiness. In families where partners love each other, it goes without saying that sex on the side is unacceptable or undesirable. And if in a marriage one loves and the other does not, then the question of “to cheat or not to cheat” is decided much easier. A lady living with an unloved husband may suddenly fall in love with another and lead a double life for many years. Raise children and go shopping with your other half, but love and dream about someone else. And a husband, tired of looking for affection and tenderness from his wife, can go to the side, trying to console himself in the arms of the first beauty he comes across. And if at first it seems like a good compromise - both the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe - then then comes the understanding that it is not possible to snatch a double portion of happiness. Moreover, there is no harmony either on the side or in the family. After all, despite the fact that purely arithmetically two halves add up to a whole, life dictates its own laws. And, according to psychologists, a person can spend his entire life between the passionately desired and the far-fetched necessity, suffering from his own duality. Until he finally realizes what he really wants and makes the right choice.
Therefore, “grandmother’s” recipe for family happiness - allowing yourself to be loved, and not loving yourself - is hopelessly outdated. If you don’t love, then first of all you are robbing yourself. After all, love is a special state of mind, capable of turning any ugly girl into a burning beauty without any help from cosmetologists and makeup artists. Being in love euphoria, a person receives superpower: everything works out for him, everything works out. And the people around him begin to treat him kindly, since amazing positive impulses emanate from a person in love. After all, E. From rightly noted that the one “who truly loves one person loves the whole world.”
And before you give your hand (let’s keep silent about your heart) to an unloved person, you should think a hundred times and weigh the pros and cons. Even if age is closing in on you, and your mother tells you: “Don’t miss it, this is your last chance,” maybe it’s better to wait until the real feeling comes and you understand that it is important to love or be loved to the same extent. Of course, mutual love in itself also does not guarantee strong family relationships, but, you see, this is already something. This is the foundation. But what you build on it will depend only on the two of you.
Many couples live happily in marriage and enjoy their feelings. However, why do some people have the question: “What is more important - to love or to be loved?” Why should a person make such a choice? Is it possible to be happy in such a situation?
What does it mean to love?
Love is the highest feeling characteristic of a person and is expressed in deep affection and sympathy for someone. In philosophy, it is considered as a subjective attitude towards the object of adoration.
It is important to understand what the word “love” means, and also to be able to distinguish it from being in love. The latter, as a rule, is accompanied by a storm of emotions and passions, but is not long-term. Only if the relationship becomes serious and is tested by time can we talk about love.
Each person has his own view of the world, special values and ideals. Accordingly, the answer to the question “what does it mean to love and how should it manifest itself” is also individual for everyone. There are no uniform norms and criteria for this feeling. What is completely unacceptable in a relationship for one person is the norm for another.
Love and happiness
Each person has their own ideas about happiness. Some people think that it lies in a huge amount of money, for some it is an interesting job, while others see it in the opportunity to travel. However, most people associate happiness with love. Only she gives us extraordinary, unlike anything else emotions that we so want to experience again and again.
When experiencing a separation or divorce, people experience such a strong shock that sometimes they do not want to continue living. It seems to them that happiness has left their home forever. Some people try to forget as quickly as possible and fall in love again, while others never manage to recover from separation.
The desire to be loved
Every person has a natural desire to be loved. From birth, a child needs maternal affection and care. Then, as they grow up, young people strive to find their soul mate. There is no girl who would never dream of being loved and happy.
Everyone likes attention, compliments, gifts, care from people of the opposite sex. Even if a person does not feel reciprocal feelings, it is quite pleasant to realize that someone loves you. This increases self-esteem and warms pride. Knowing that someone in this world loves you and needs you is wonderful.
The human need to love
No less important is the need for a person to experience the brightest feelings towards someone. In their youth, boys and girls are open to love and are just waiting for someone to shower it on. This is why it is so easy for young people to find their ideal and dissolve in it.
There is nothing more beautiful than the feeling of falling in love. At the same time, time seems to stop, and life takes on a new meaning. Lovers look forward to each new meeting with each other, and their thoughts constantly take them to the object of their adoration. Even if feelings are unrequited, they bring more than just suffering. If a person is able to fall in love at least once in his life, he knows what real happiness is.
Reasons why people refuse to love
The need to both love and be loved is inherent in man by nature. What leads to the fact that some people fail to find mutual feelings? Why do they wonder what is more important - to love or to be loved?
As a rule, failures and problems with previous partners can lead to the fact that a person wants to close himself off from love forever. Some people completely abandon any relationship, temporarily or forever doom themselves to loneliness. Others decide that it is still necessary to have a family, but at the same time they are afraid and do not want to fall in love with someone again. In this situation, they come to the conclusion that they need to look for a partner who would love them. At the same time, they themselves do not want to experience any feelings, they want to be indifferent.
Another reason why you can allow yourself to be loved is calculation. Very often, girls marry a wealthy man without having any feelings for him, and sometimes even hating him. In some situations, such an act is driven by despair. For example, a woman left with a small child in her arms without a means of subsistence is forced to take advantage of the patronage of a rich gentleman, if possible. By the way, there are also men who do not mind living at the expense of a lady. For such people, the prospect of a prosperous and carefree life is placed above feelings.
Loving without reciprocity
Sometimes a person decides that the main thing for him is to love himself, no matter what. The coldness and indifference of the partner are not taken into account. Such a person experiences such strong feelings that he cannot imagine his life without the object of his adoration and is ready to be with him on any terms.
You can often encounter a situation where a wife is madly in love with her husband. She turns a blind eye to his infidelities, tries to please him in everything, takes care of her appearance, is an excellent cook, but she still cannot get reciprocity from her husband. As a rule, such a woman understands that all her actions will lead to nothing, but still does not dare to divorce. She cannot imagine herself without her husband, she believes that it is better to live like this than to break off the relationship forever.
In marriages where the man is much older than his wife, reciprocity of feelings is also very often absent. The elderly man understands that the young girl does not love him and lives with him for money, but agrees to such a relationship. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, he is pleased to appear in public with such a companion. The envy of friends and acquaintances warms his male pride. Secondly, he understands perfectly well that he will not be able to find the same young girl who would sincerely love him, and therefore does not initially count on reciprocal feelings.
Self-esteem and love
It's no secret that self-esteem and love are closely related. They have a huge influence on each other and are constantly in close dependence.
When a person hears the phrase “I love you” from someone, regardless of whether he feels reciprocated or not, his self-esteem immediately increases. If you are constantly the object of attention of people of the opposite sex, you feel confident and attractive and desirable. In turn, this attracts the admiring glances of others even more towards you.
Relationship failures can have a negative impact on self-esteem. It gets worse if your partner repeats day after day that you will never find anyone better than him, constantly points out your shortcomings and criticizes all your actions. All this leads to the fact that self-esteem drops so much that you completely cease to consider yourself worthy of being with your loved one and building a normal relationship.
One thing needs to be remembered: in order for someone to love you, you must first of all have respect for yourself and not lose your dignity. It is better to end a relationship in which you are humiliated and offended as soon as possible. Having adequate self-esteem, you will definitely meet someone with whom you will be happy. And you will certainly learn how to be the most loved.
If only one loves...
It would seem that there should be fewer problems in a union in which one loves, and the other only allows himself to be loved, than in an ordinary couple. Anyone who experiences this feeling himself enjoys closeness with his partner and enjoys every moment spent together. He who allows himself to be loved does not get jealous, does not worry, does not demand undue attention, does not make scandals if, for example, the spouse did not answer the phone or was late at work. However, in such a union there are more problems than usual. And it’s hard for both partners to be happy.
Without having any feelings for a spouse and living side by side with him every day, a person begins to get angry and lose his temper over every little thing. He is annoyed by absolutely everything his partner does or says, even if he tries to please in everything. A person strives to spend as much time as possible outside the home, ignore his spouse, and look for an outlet on the side.
Anyone who sincerely loves a partner cannot be happy when faced with constant indifference on his part. Even if at first a person agrees to any conditions, subsequently he will increasingly lack reciprocal feelings. He increasingly begins to think about what is more important - to love or to be loved. It is likely that someday his patience will come to an end, and he will decide to build relationships based on reciprocity.
Is it possible to live without love?
Sometimes, having experienced terrible disappointment on the love front, people decide for themselves that there will be no more relationships in their lives. They don’t think what is more important - to love or to be loved, but simply give up on their personal life.
Most often, such people throw themselves into their work, devote themselves to their children, and try to find some kind of hobby. They reject all signs of attention, refuse dates and behave coldly with people of the opposite sex. As a rule, women do not allow men to approach them at all. Representatives of the stronger sex behave somewhat differently. Men decide for themselves that they will never say the phrase “I love you.” They most often allow easy, non-binding relationships, but immediately end them as soon as they feel pressure from their partner.
Is it possible to live without love? Perhaps yes, and many succeed. The only question is whether these people are happy...
What is more important: to love or to be loved? This question the man asked himself, and not many (1) were able to answer this question (2). What is love for us? (3) Love for us (4) is to love someone or something. That is (5) For example (5) you love either a certain person or are in love (6) to a certain place (7). We all understand this well. But what does it mean to be loved? May be (8) loved by someone (9) or something different (10) . As we noticed (11) to love or be loved (12) it is their own reflection. But there is such a case (13) like unrequited love. By this we do not mean (14) people have mutual feelings for each other. We see that love is either mutual or everything (15) leads to unrequited To understand better (16) , let's turn to the works.
In Rasputin's work "Farewell to Matera" we see (17) how reluctant people are leave (18) the island Matera. They will have to leave, because soon everyone will be home on this island will be flooded (19) with water. People while(20)leniya live in Matera. They have s(21)here everything: beloved nature; all the events that happened s(21)here. They love this island, but they have to leave it. From (21)here (22) we saw love for something, and more specifically (23) to place of residence (24).
In Gorky’s next work, “Old Woman Izergil,” we will talk about how Hawkman (25) wanted to be loved. When the old woman talked about him, Hawkman appeared to people, they did not understand who it was in front of them. When Hawkman I looked at them, then I saw a beautiful girl among them, and immediately wanted to marry her, but she refused. Everyone was amazed by his reaction, he tore her heart out of her chest. All (26) were furious, they asked (27) why did he do this? In his defense, he said that he wanted her to love him. C(21)here we saw that a person himself can want to be loved (28).
Or Bunin’s work “Easy Breathing”, when the girl (29) from the gymnasium, (30) leads behave like a stately woman (31) woman: expensive shoes, hair done up like an adult. She was loved by the teacher's brother from her high school. C (21) same here (32) it's clear that the main character was loved (33). But now let's consider (34) when a person, the main character, loves someone. And this is in Kuprin’s work “Garnet Bracelet”. The main character loved a married woman, she knew about it. Unrequitedly loved until the last call, which the heroine’s husband allowed to make. When He called her, she was shocked (35). After the call, the hero realized that he was interfering with her life. He (36) decided, since she doesn’t love him, to disappear forever from her life. We (37) saw (38) what we are willing to do for the sake of our loved ones. We (39) did everything to make them happy.
To love or to be loved? We choose for ourselves; our feelings and emotions mostly do it for us. And then (41) what we chose (41) most important to us. For someone (42) May be (42) The most important thing is to be loved, but for some it’s the opposite. When it comes to love, few people will tell you the correct answer. Ask a few people, “What is love?” They will all answer (43) differently. Don't think (44) what others have told you. What's important is (45) What do you think.
You sit down and reminisce again. Only 5 meetings, the first of which was thoughtless, random, but it changed everything in your life. HE appeared. Do you believe that you can fall in love with a person by seeing him only once, and then communicating exclusively on the Internet? Communicating for hours, days on end, discussing everything in the world, telling each other all their ins and outs, but at the same time, not even knowing the typical gestures and facial expressions of a person, not clearly imagining his appearance. Do you believe it? So, without believing it, I fell in love. This is the third year of this strange communication. No, not like that - it’s been three years since we met. After all, I, as a prudent person, deigned to decide for myself that such a one-sided love would not bring me anything good (And how did I guess that??), because I don’t even have a chance to see this person all the time. And not for the first time (Oh, believe me, not for the first time) I decided to end it. Break off a relationship so dear to me for my own good (Yes, yes). He doesn’t care whether to communicate or not, but for me... The fact is that every new day of communication for me was a new stage of attachment to this person. And to what extent can it go? I decided not to check. After all, the higher you rise, the more painfully you fall. Six months ago I decided to stop and fall into the abyss. Did it become better and easier because of the thought that if it had happened later, it would have hurt more? Definitely not. Is it easier to control your thoughts and emotions (towards him) without mediocre communication? Also no. Are there any more chances of forgetting him? No. Is it that bad? Yes. Someone suddenly sits down next to me, interrupting my thoughts. I turn my head and see...Him at my desk. No, this is not the one I was just thinking about. This is not the one I would have dreamed of seeing. On the contrary, I try to avoid this person. - Do you mind if I stay sitting here for the next hour of class? – the question puzzled me. Because yes, I am against it! I so want to refuse him, to explain once again that he is not the one who can win my heart, because it is already taken. But he knows all this very well, and school is not the best place for such conversations. - Yes, of course, sit if you want. - I'm lying again. Why all this? So as not to mess things up again... I didn’t want to start a conversation, so I decided to once again try to immerse myself in the subject on which I had been sitting for a class, stupidly copying definitions from the presentation for 15 minutes already. “Elasticity of demand shows what percentage change in demand will follow a one percent change...” An unfamiliar smell sharply hit my nose, which distracted me this time. A light aroma of men's cologne was detected. I had never sat so close to this person for so long before, which is probably why the aroma seemed new, unknown and sharply cutting to my senses. Brr – I tried to throw unnecessary thoughts out of my head, when... Someone’s hand touched my loose hair. And it’s not difficult to guess whose it is. To say that I get irritated when people touch me (and my hair in particular) is an understatement. I tried to control myself so as not to be rude and send me to hell. Honestly, I tried! My hair has been disturbed again. - No need. “I said quietly, gritting my teeth. - What is not necessary? – The interlocutor was testing my patience. - Not. Necessary. Touch. My. Hair. “I said clearly separating the words, trying not to get nervous. It doesn't seem to work. For about 30 seconds the interlocutor showed no signs of life, and I again began to write down material on the topic of the lesson. They gently almost poked me into the sleeve of my sweater, more like running their finger along a tangent. I shuddered. First of all, it was unexpected. And secondly, I already said. But that's not the point. It was just the wrong hand. I really wanted the person I loved to sit next to me and do the same actions. Perhaps I could be called the happiest in the world! But wishes are not destined to come true. The unloved hand repeated this movement again. I clenched my teeth so as not to lose my temper. And my “opponent,” it seems, decided to make fun of him: “Can you touch the jacket?” – I remained silent, trying to concentrate on the lesson, so as not to throw out all my emotions on him. - You said that you can’t touch your hair, but everything else means you can, right? – At this phrase, I imagined how unloved hands touched my face, and I winced. - Yes, right? – The persistent interlocutor repeated. - Yes. – I muttered, trying to re-focus on the topic of the lesson. But I wouldn’t be me if it worked out. Literally a few centimeters away from me sat a man who was no one to me. Or rather, he is a problem person for me, because I don’t know how to behave with those who like me, and not vice versa. It’s unusual to even feel somehow in the place of your “victim”. He turns sharply and literally exhales into my hair - Sasha... I shudder, afraid to turn around and be too close to his face. Such a romantic moment! When they say your name as they exhale...It's incredibly cool! And only after a few seconds you realize that it was your unloved voice that said it, and all your feeling of beauty disappears. I slowly pull away, turning my head at the same time. And I see the wrong eyes. Yes, there is something in them when this person looks at me, but there is nothing in mine when I look at him. - Do we need to write functions? – The interlocutor asks me in a calm voice. - Yes. “I answer, nodding, without even thinking about his question. I feel the breath of a stranger, I hear his voice, imagining someone else in his place. My brain is intoxicated by its scent, making it difficult to concentrate on one thought. The guy begins to diligently scribble something in his notebook. And looking at it, I understand that the handwriting is not the same. It's not the same. All wrong. Tears well up in my eyes, I turn away so as not to burst into tears. An image of someone I worry about so much appears in my head. So beloved, dear, but at the same time so unattainable. I turn around again and look at someone so unloved, alien, but so close. He is ready to give me his heart, but I am not ready to be responsible for him. The person who likes me is ready to do anything for me, and I am only ready to agree to sit at the same desk with him. He wants so much to get closer to me, but I push him away so hard. He wants to be with me so much, but I resist. I look into these dark eyes filled with feeling, at this half-smile addressed to me, and I remember the cold look of gray-green eyes, and a smile that seems to be no different, but so beloved. Every time, imagining someone else in his place, I am ready to throw myself into his arms, not caring about all the rules of decency and my own principles, but in time I remember that this is not HIM. But their reaction would be different... one would most likely push him away, and the other would probably think about it himself often.
People often have a choice - to love or to be loved? For the lucky ones, it's the same person. But I have never been lucky, so I can only tell you my choice. Although you already understood it yourself. Love is more important to me. To give yourself completely to a person, even without receiving anything in return, to achieve him by all means, to suffer, to kill yourself, but to love... Yes, you could choose something else, but there you would have to do everything under pressure. Perhaps the thought comes that this is selfishness? That I’m not ready to do anything for another person? Oh no, you're wrong! For the sake of my loved one, I am capable of anything. And even if you enter into an alliance with an unloved person, it will not last long. Yes, at first you will even be able to play a happy fool in love, then you will become attached to this person, and his feelings will increase tenfold for you. He will want more, and you are unlikely to be able to refuse, because you yourself are already in his power. Just imagine - the first kiss with unloved lips, marriage to an unloved person, the unloved father of your children, the unloved grandfather of your grandchildren... Is it possible to live like this? Yes, he will endure it, he will get used to it, but you will not find happiness in such a relationship. One love is not always enough for two. Or rather, not everyone is ready for this. For example, I’m not ready, so I’ll sit like a lonely virgin, sobbing and remembering the Very Beloved One who doesn’t care about me. I will suffer. I will be bursting with pain inside. I will hate the whole world and curse the one who invented love. And guess what? I won't be alone. There will be a person next to me who experiences the same feelings. And we will suffer together, but separately. I’m not selfish, I just understand that at one point the non-reciprocal union will fall apart, and you will have to suffer much more than now. I don't want to hurt others, really. Believe me, I wouldn’t wish what I’m experiencing now even on my enemy. I'm sorry I put you through this. Let me go, I'm not your option, you know. Let me not feel guilty. Leave me alone with my pain, and never say “I love you” to me again. Get out of my life. Leave and forgive me for the emotional trauma you caused. I did not want. Is it true. I love another one. Sorry. And HE will never tell me all these words, just as you will never hear them from me. You ask: “What is more important: to love or to be loved?” I will answer: “Love,” closing my eyes and bursting into tears.