Church holidays
Don't part with your loved ones: how to cope with a crisis in a relationship. Crisis in relationships by year: catch and neutralize How long does it take for a crisis in relationships to occur?

Don't part with your loved ones: how to cope with a crisis in a relationship. Crisis in relationships by year: catch and neutralize How long does it take for a crisis in relationships to occur?

No one will argue that today there are a lot of books on psychology. In them, popular authors and gurus teach how to properly build feelings with men at different stages of relationships.

First of all, it is worth remembering that this is not a panacea and each case is individual, just like the man. Each representative of the stronger sex needs his own approach, which is known only to the woman who is next to him.

Psychology of family relationships between wife and husband, crises are a very common request on the Internet. Psychological troubles and discomfort in the family happen to every married couple, and the main thing is to overcome them competently.

In order to be able to overcome difficulties in family life, it is necessary to clearly understand that all married couples go through this.

Here is a selection of current ones advice that will help you survive a crisis in a relationship:

1. Intimate talk. It is very important to be able to listen and hear your other half. You should not sit down at the negotiating table with strong emotions; it is better to talk in a quiet and calm, and most importantly, in a neutral environment. It is worth remembering that compromises are an integral part of the life of spouses. It is quite easy to survive a crisis in a family relationship with your husband if you remember what qualities make you feel warmth and love for your spouse.

2. Joint child. As far as we know, the common chores that provide child care bring two people closer and unite. New experiences and worries will help move the cursor of attention to more important needs.

3. Intimate details. Various devices from sex shops, beautiful lingerie and a few dirty words will help you refresh this side of life. However, it is worth remembering that this is not a panacea, but just one method of attracting the attention of your other half.

When a crisis occurs in a marital relationship

Disagreements in marital relationships between loving people arise for various reasons. Most often, psychologists name one common problem - lack of development in marriage.

In this case, a breakdown can occur due to the pregnancy of a companion, that is, with an increased content of hormones, which can cause frequent mood swings.

A man must understand the responsibility of the situation and, if possible, control his emotions in response to his wife’s comments.

The second most popular reason is routine. You can remove it either by relaxing together, going somewhere, as well as new hobbies. It is worth mentioning that this is the main and direct responsibility of the wife.

Causes of the crisis

Main reasons crises in a married couple can become:

1. Money disagreements. Temporary or permanent lack of material wealth is one of the most common reasons for the breakdown of many marriages. At the same time, it is important to be able to be content with what you have and not to blame your spouse for all the troubles, but to help maintain a stable material income by properly distributing the budget.

2. The need for religion. It so happens that one of the spouses often adheres to a different faith than his wife. Here it is important to agree on the main points and traditions of both cultures on the shore.

Crisis in family relationships by year - periods

It is believed that there are certain five-year plans, which are called crises in marriage. Periods of crisis in marriage can be completely different. Very often this is the third and fifth year of the couple. They all have different natures and causes.

It is important to note here that, according to statistics, families most often collapse in the seventh year of life, at a time when children have grown up and passions have subsided. Remember why you fell in love with your partner and repeat it as often as possible.

How to overcome the crisis after the birth of a child

The one-year crisis, which usually occurs after the birth of the first child, is a very difficult period for a couple. You need to devote a lot of time to the baby, and your spouse may move away from you.

Try to ask your other half for help as often as possible, because working together will help relieve tension between you and improve family life. The pattern of conflicts and quarrels is most often caused by stress or lack of sleep - try to rest more often.

Periods of crisis in relationships

Crisis of 3 years, 5 years, 7 years, 10 years - these are all periods when relationships undergo a serious test of strength. These are the years when they either reach a new level or get stuck in one place, leading to discord, accompanied by quarrels and nagging.

Problems in the third year of life can be caused by weakening of feelings, loss of passion. At this stage, betrayal on both sides is possible.

In the fifth year, there is a one-sided surge of emotions. If the couple has children, this stage will go much easier. If problems overtook you in your seventh year, it’s worth refreshing your feelings, since most likely your relationship is a habit.

1. Develop yourself. If you are interesting to yourself, you will become even more interesting to your other half. According to statistics, it is habit that weakens feelings; your task is to be different every time.

3. Visit to a psychologist. Do not neglect a specialist, because he can provide you with professional help and survive age-related changes.

Crisis in a relationship if it’s not your person, how to determine

Only you can break an existing relationship. If you feel that a person is not yours, there is no need to try to change him; in this case, it would be better to separate.

Tests tend to pass, and a temporary conflict cannot be serious. Let go of the situation, if the person is yours, he will definitely return to you.

It’s quite easy to break up and break up, but building a new relationship is a lot of work. Psychology, not the advice of people around you, will help you overcome a crisis in your family relationship with your husband.

A person is characterized by the fact that he likes to create problems for himself. His nature, psyche and behavior will be studied for a long time. And the relationships between the sexes, their psychology, are even more complex. Let's try to find the answer to the question why a wonderful feeling and desire to live together lead to difficulties and negativity, what to do if a crisis occurs in a relationship, how to build a relationship to overcome the crisis?

Description of the crisis

But what does a crisis in a relationship mean? This:

lack of mutual understanding;
loss of interest in each other;
fading of passion, decrease in female and male sexuality;
rare sex;
quarrels over trifles;
mutual irritability;
quarreling.

The crisis of the first year of a relationship is associated with the period of the newlyweds getting used to each other. The pink veil is leaving, everyday life is coming. Something that was not apparent during meetings and going to the movies begins to appear.

Spouses subconsciously copy the relationships brought from their families. But everyone’s relationship strategy is different, and contradictions arise.

Psychologists have identified typical crisis years in relationships. This is a year, three years, five years, seven years (the most difficult stage), 14 years. But all this is relative, because a person is not a machine, but a bright individuality.

Sometimes the first crisis can come in the first hours after a fun wedding, when the donated money is being distributed. Imagine the state of the groom, who had a wedding with his own, partially borrowed funds, and the young woman had already completely entered into the courage of owning money and made it clear - “This is my money, I will spend it at my discretion.”

Relationship crises before marriage are common; the reasons are similar to those during marriage. But it’s also easier to explain them - after all, people know each other little, the first impression is deceptive.

Or an example - people have been dating for a long time, there are no obstacles to getting married, but you don’t want to get married. Two years of relationship have passed - what to do? Meet, or decide something. This situation needs to be discussed during a serious conversation, finding out what each of them is pursuing in communication, what goals they have set.

When the first crisis in a relationship occurs, a good opportunity arises to sort out your feelings, come to a common denominator and decide whether to continue the relationship or not.

This is even good, because it’s stupid to “trigger” the problem. And a good showdown will take feelings to a new, stronger level.

Everyone wants to know how long does a crisis in a relationship last? It all depends on the endurance of the partners, their wisdom and good manners. The wise can avoid it altogether.

The period can last from three weeks to seven months. A crisis in a relationship for 1 year is extreme. There may be a crisis in a relationship at 1-2 or 3 years of age, and it may last a lifetime if both partners need a boost of mental emotions while living it.

How does a crisis manifest itself in a relationship? There are many of these manifestations. They are accompanied by a feeling when you don’t want to go home, but sex has moved from pleasure to duty. The mood is depressed and one gives up; there is no longer any sparkle or high degree of frankness between lovers. Life comes to a standstill and loses its meaning, and beautiful and lonely boys and girls walk the streets. There is a feeling that you were in a hurry.

Causes

Periods of relationship crisis depend on a number of factors - the length of time together, the age of the children, career, health, personal and spiritual growth. What crises there may be in a relationship depends on the relationship between a man and a woman.

A crisis in a relationship after 5 years is usually associated with a young mother going back to work after the birth of her baby. A fresh outlook on the world, working hours do not allow you to prepare food and clean on time. But the husband is not always able and ready to do this part of the worries. Relationship crises between 1 and 5 years old are most often associated with children. A crisis of two years in a relationship is inevitable if a long-awaited pregnancy does not occur, or the couple is still dating, but there are no hints of marriage, although all possibilities exist- housing, stable income, age.

It is difficult to calculate crises in relationships by month. This calculation is suitable when a child appears. This is pregnancy when a woman changes greatly psychologically. After childbirth, when the child is 2-3 months old, the man fades into the background and becomes a “give-and-bring.” This really hits home for a lot of dads. It’s still the first year of a child’s life, when the wife is in postpartum depression.

When a crisis occurs in a relationship, you don’t have to ring the bells and think that everything is lost. This is normal. It is important not to do anything stupid when a crisis begins in a relationship. It doesn’t matter at all how long it takes for a crisis in a relationship to occur. The main thing is that we can overcome it.

What to do during a crisis in a relationship? Treat the problem philosophically - any difficulties are given to test feelings. When a crisis occurs in a relationship, you need to start with yourself, delve into your soul, look for the problem first in yourself, and only then in your partner.

Often, the life crisis of the person himself can affect the crisis of the couple’s relationship. A man's midlife crisis always affects relationships and an attempt to find the reason for his failure in an unsuccessful choice of a life partner.

How to understand that a crisis in a relationship is caused by insolvency. Just try to simulate life without a loved one. After all, a lot came to you precisely thanks to him.

Actions

When there is a crisis in a relationship, you should not resort to destructive methods of solution - alcoholism, betrayal, extraordinary actions. What to do if there is a crisis in a relationship?

The first action is to mutually recognize this, make a decision and develop a strategy to get out of it. It is advisable to write this down on paper. This will be a starting measure in eliminating the problem. Wise people know how to get out of a crisis in a relationship.

The principle “prepare your sleigh in the summer” works - you need to meet it fully armed, prepare in advance and wait and win!

Relationship crisis– an extremely popular and burning topic. A crisis forces people to reconsider previously created relationships and either look for a worthy alternative to them, or work on them, which is also not at all easy. Various connections between people change over time: friendships, family, partnerships, business. This happens because we cannot stay in the same place for a long time and are constantly moving forward. Sooner or later, a crisis is necessarily present in any relationship between people; it is an inevitable process. If anyone thinks that they can avoid it with their significant other, they are sadly mistaken.

Crisis of family relations

Family relationships are a special form of interaction in which people come closer to the level of close relatives and at the same time inevitably encounter a number of contradictions and conflicts. Problems exist even in the strongest family ties. The need to build a life together, plan a budget, and solve emerging difficulties brings people together and at the same time greatly alienates them from each other. How is this possible? The fact is that in family relationships people’s feelings are constantly involved; they are unconsciously forced to adapt to each other. What characterizes a crisis in family relationships? What events often lead to it? Let's try to figure it out.

Decreased interest

People, having created a family union, become so close that sometimes they cease to be surprised and surprise each other. A loved one ceases to be perceived as a miracle and something amazing. The uniqueness of the moment seems to be deciphered and explained from different angles. This is how a decrease in interest occurs and a habit is formed that is quite difficult to overcome. This is why betrayal is not uncommon—their likelihood increases in moments of crisis. Relationships become ordinary and boring. Sometimes trust also begins to be lost due to the fact that spouses become somewhat distant from each other.

Mutual reproaches and complaints

A crisis in family relationships is always accompanied by various kinds of grievances and claims. People cannot understand what could have affected their wonderful relationship and are not always ready to accept change so quickly. The crisis necessarily affects the personality of both partners: they become intolerant, touchy, and vindictive. Family relationships begin to collapse when nothing supports them and prevents them from developing. Mutual reproaches and complaints further disappoint partners and force them to look for additional reasons for dissatisfaction.

Various life positions

Sometimes it happens that after living together for quite a long period, spouses find that they have nothing more to talk about. The crisis of family relationships especially inexorably overtakes those who have different priorities and goals in life. What is significant for one is completely unsuitable for another. If spouses have different views on the world, completely incompatible tasks for the coming years, they begin a crisis that can knock the solid ground out from under their feet and completely deprive them of confidence in themselves and their chosen one.

Birth of a child

This joyful moment for both spouses is often accompanied by unwanted irritation and disappointment. With the advent of a baby, the usual way of life changes. Family relationships are also being restructured: spouses begin to make specific demands on each other. If this was not observed before, now disputes and quarrels begin to arise, affecting the level of well-being in the couple. The birth of a child is a serious test for loving people, often leading to a crisis.

Challenges for two

Serious upheavals often occur in life, which can affect the attitude and self-perception of partners. Relationships begin to undergo changes if some serious life trials begin. A crisis in a relationship is often associated with the sudden illness of a husband or wife or the death of a close relative. In some cases, you need to combine your efforts to start acting actively, but not everyone is able to do this. Tests for two are always accompanied by a crisis, as they show what each person is really ready for.

Crisis in relationships by year

It should be understood that a crisis in family relationships is not an indicator of their worthlessness. A crisis naturally arises within a couple and is repeated with a certain frequency. In order to react correctly and not aggravate the situation as it progresses, you need to know the main milestones that are significant for the development of relationships. Crises within a couple vary in severity. Psychologists distinguish crises that manifest themselves over the years, that is, arising in a particular time period.

What’s interesting: modern psychological science determines the onset of a crisis according to how turning points manifest in a child. Just as a baby gradually learns to walk and take his first steps, relationships between people undergo changes. This occurs in the same time intervals as the expression of a clear crisis in a child. Each subsequent crisis is intended to bring renewal to the lives of both partners.

Crisis of one year

This crisis is characterized by the process of “grinding in.” Partners get to know each other better, check personal boundaries, what is permissible and what is completely unacceptable. The crisis of one year goes unnoticed for others, but for partners it does not pass without a trace: they either become convinced that they understand each other, or part without regrets. This crisis in a relationship shows how suitable people are for each other and whether they will be able to undergo more serious tests in the future.

Crisis of three to five years

At this stage, a serious test of the relationship occurs, since it has been going on for several years. The relationship begins to develop into something deeper and resemble family ties. The romance gradually disappears, and in its place comes routine, everyday life. Not all people understand that this is a normal state of affairs, and they cannot endlessly surprise each other. It seems that all the secrets have been solved, the partner begins to be perceived not as an interesting object, but as a person with whom a close relationship has long been established. Spouses often cross the line beyond which complete mutual trust begins. The opportunity to boldly talk about everything in the world, to speak openly, without hiding, brings people incredibly closer together. The crisis manifests itself in the moment of loss of spontaneity: relationships become predictable. Each of the partners can easily predict what they will do, how each of them will act in a certain situation.

Seven Years Crisis

This crisis in relationships is caused by the phenomenon of psychological fatigue of partners from each other. Over time, you get tired of performing the same functions, and you urgently need to change the vector. And here the main problem begins: it becomes quite difficult for spouses to understand each other. Each of them needs help, consolation, and the necessary freedom. What spoils relationships the most is everyday life, the need to perform routine duties every day. A woman wants to feel young and attractive, and not dissolved in her spouse and children. A man often feels the need for new interests and hobbies, but it becomes difficult for him to realize himself due to limiting circumstances. Often relationships break down as a result of such a difficult test. This crisis in relationships manifests itself especially violently if the spouses have very different personal interests.

Crisis of twelve to fifteen years

Psychologists call this crisis a real test of strength. At such a moment, partners either get closer or move away from each other again. In many ways, this crisis in relationships is caused by the presence of a growing child in the house. He becomes a teenager, active beyond his years and tries with all his might to get out from under the obsessive tutelage of his parents. The spouses have to unite in order to adequately cope with all the visible changes in his consciousness. Quarrels will definitely arise in the family, since the very model of communication within a small society requires a thorough review.

Twenty Year Crisis

This crisis of relationships is considered a crisis of loss of meaning. Often it coincides with the “empty nest syndrome” in spouses. Usually by this time, adult children begin to live separately, and the spouses are again left alone with each other. They are forced to again build a two-person model of communication. The partners find themselves losing the common meaning of living together – raising children. When the main task is completed, all that remains is to live for ourselves and for each other, and not everyone is ready for this.

The crisis of twenty years is characterized by the emergence of a feeling of internal loneliness and misunderstanding. Spouses may experience sudden changes in mood, irritability, and distrust of each other. They will have to learn how to build relationships again. While enduring a crisis, you need to be able to maintain good feelings, mutual respect and an optimistic outlook for the future.

How to survive a relationship crisis

Relationships are a very fragile thing. Only those who really work on them, and don’t try to brush them off, have a chance to meet understanding in the face of their other half. How to survive a crisis in a relationship? What significant steps do partners need to take to bridge the gap that has quietly formed between them? What should you pay attention to? First things first.

Refusal of charges

If we are indignant, we cannot accept the situation. As long as anger, irritation, and strong dissatisfaction boil in the soul, there can be no talk of reconciliation. Stopping blaming will help you start listening to your inner voice. Understand that it would be unfair and hurtful to ruin your wonderful relationship with your partner. Remember how beautifully they started. Relationships can always be saved if you take responsibility for what is happening. By dropping the accusations, you demonstrate to your other half the seriousness of your intentions and the desire to return to your previous trusting relationship.

Personal space

Each of you must have your own personal space. If people are forced to constantly invade each other’s territory, then conflicts will inevitably arise and relationships will deteriorate. The interests of the spouse should be taken into account as if they were your own; they should not be neglected. Otherwise, you will not be able to come to a mutual agreement. There is no need to sacrifice your personal interests. Relationships will not get better from this, believe me. Constantly experiencing deprivation in something, a person begins to accumulate irritation and anger inside without noticing it. When you're going through a relationship crisis, everything matters. Remember: everyone should have personal space. It allows you to remain a bright individual and emphasize your spontaneity.

Finding common ground

Relationships experiencing a major crisis require an urgent revision of the basic values by the spouses. If you constantly avoid meaningful conversation, you will achieve only the opposite effect. Rekindling a relationship will require a lot of patience and effort. Finding common ground will allow spouses to unite and feel true support and participation. Relationships will only benefit from this.

Most problems in relationships arise because people stop being interesting to each other. In order not to torment yourself with the question of how to survive the crisis, you need to begin to surprise and amaze the imagination again. First, do something non-standard, something you couldn’t afford before. The surprise should be pleasant and unexpected. Becoming interesting to your other half is only possible if you really want it yourself. Relationships cannot be built according to the following scheme: everyday life, budget, endless efforts, demands. If partners do not have small and large joys that they could share together, then the relationship, unfortunately, begins to collapse over time. New hobbies, interests, and aspirations will help revive old feelings. There will be respect for each other, a desire to do more than has been done so far.

Thus, a crisis in a relationship is a problem that needs to be solved. If fate has given you a second chance, then do not miss it.

According to research by sociologists and family consultants, each family goes through several stages of development, and the transition from one to another is usually accompanied by a crisis.

Firstly, problems in family life can begin when one of the spouses is experiencing his own psychological crisis, for example, a midlife crisis. Reviewing his life, feeling dissatisfied with himself, a person decides to change everything, including his family life.

In addition, the cause of the crisis for spouses is difficulties at work, problems in relationships with relatives, changes in financial situation (both for the worse and for the better), and the family moving to another city or country. And, of course, more serious stress factors - serious illnesses, deaths, wars, loss of work, the birth of defective children.

8 dangerous symptoms:

1. The desire of spouses for intimacy decreases;
2. Spouses no longer strive to please each other;
3. All issues related to raising children provoke quarrels and mutual reproaches;
4. Spouses do not have the same opinion on most issues that are significant to them (relationships with family and friends, plans for the future, distribution of family income, etc.);
5. Husband and wife poorly understand (or do not understand at all) each other’s feelings;
6. Almost all actions and words of a partner cause irritation;
7. One of the spouses believes that he is forced to constantly yield to the wishes and opinions of the other;
8. There is no need to share your problems and joys with your partner;

Just don't explode!

Psychologists conventionally identify several of the most explosive ages of the family. According to statistics, about half of all marriages break up after the first year of marriage. Newly-made spouses do not withstand the test of “everyday life”. Disagreements may concern the distribution of responsibilities, the reluctance of partners to change their habits.

The next critical age for a family is the first 3-5 years of marriage. It is at this time that children most often appear in the family, and the spouses are concerned about arranging separate housing and their professional problems and career growth. Physical and nervous tension cause alienation and misunderstanding between husband and wife. During this period, romantic love is reborn into marital friendship - the spouses are now comrades-in-arms, and not ardent lovers.

After 7-9 years of living together, another crisis may occur associated with such a phenomenon as addiction. Life has more or less stabilized, the children have grown up. Spouses often experience disappointment when they compare reality with how it was imagined several years ago in their dreams. The spouses begin to feel that now everything will be the same all their lives; they want something new, unusual, fresh sensations.

Time passes, and if the husband and wife are still together, after 16-20 years of marriage, another life reef is possible. It is aggravated by the midlife crisis of one of the spouses. There is a frightening feeling that everything has already been achieved, everything has been accomplished, both in the personal and professional sphere.

During this period, foreign sociologists call another crisis period in the life of a family: when adult children leave it. Spouses are deprived of their main “leading” activity - raising children. They must learn to live together again. And women who dealt exclusively with children and home need to acquire new life tasks. For our culture, this side of the crisis is less relevant: often adult children remain to live with their parents. In addition, in most cases, parents take an active part in the family life of their children, raising their grandchildren.

There would be no happiness...

Often what becomes a “stumbling block” for one family, causing a crisis in relationships, brings another family together.

The art of forgiveness

It is important not only to learn to ask for forgiveness, but also to accept apologies. It is dangerous to “sulk” at your partner for several days, making him feel guilty - eventually it will get boring. If you are not ready for a truce, say so directly: “You know, I need time to cool down and calm down.”

Nothing will work without communication

A family crisis is, first of all, a crisis of communication. More than 80% of married couples seeking psychological help complain of difficulties communicating with each other. Whereas problems with children and their upbringing, sexual or financial difficulties are the cause of a family crisis in only 40% of cases.

Look for a compromise

If a close relationship has developed between the spouses, if they love each other, that is, they respect, value, listen to the other’s opinion, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding.

Factor #1
It is known that the birth of a child in order to “keep” a spouse does not contribute to the strength of the relationship, but, on the contrary, rather accelerates its disintegration. However, children are still able to “cement” relationships - by dealing with their problems, spouses can push their own conflicts into the background and conclude a truce. But when the children grow up and become independent, the parents are again left alone with their contradictions, having practically forgotten how to communicate with each other.
Unfortunately, there are often cases when in a family on the verge of divorce, a child suddenly begins to get sick often or constantly has troubles. In this way, he unconsciously “protests” against the breakup of mom and dad’s marriage, attracting the attention of his parents. This, according to psychologists, is too high a price for a family to overcome the crisis. It happens that, having learned that they will soon become parents, spouses who are on the verge of breaking up decide that this is another chance to improve their relationship. And many succeed.

Factor #2
Among the risk factors for family life are early marriages. They are considered fragile because young spouses have to solve too many problems: domestic, professional, financial. But marriages between people who are already “steady on their feet” are predicted to last a long time. However, for those who have lived a bachelor life for a long time, it may be even more difficult to change their usual lifestyle and adapt to someone else. And, conversely, in early marriages, adaptation to life changes and mutual “grinding in” with a partner is easier due to the psychological flexibility characteristic of young people.

Factor #3
The majority believes that a family forced to constantly overcome difficulties most often “breaks”, unable to withstand the burden of problems. But for some, the cause of family crises is... “stagnation,” routine, boredom, while difficulties only bring spouses closer together. Stability and regularity of life provoke a crisis.

Darlings scold, only amuse themselves

A recognizable situation: an offended wife greets her husband with icy silence. She expects him to telepathically read her thoughts, understand the extent of his guilt and beg her. However, in 98% of cases, she will have to endure the offense alone (the husband will never understand why his wife is offended). And the unexpressed resentment will “sting” the worrying woman like a scorpion. They say that “to be offended is to punish yourself for the mistakes of others.”

It’s better to quarrel, psychologists advise. But to prevent the quarrel from developing into a banal scandal, conflict experts have developed a number of rules:

Don't insult your partner.

When blaming your spouse for something, avoid generalizations: “You always...”. It’s better to say about yourself: “I’m offended and sad to spend every weekend alone.”

Don't criticize your spouse in public. One of my friends, who grew up in a wonderful family, recalled: “Mom could argue with dad until she was hoarse in private, but in public she invariably took his side.”

Follow the “golden rule”: “Don’t tell others what you don’t want them to tell you.”

Put yourself in your partner's shoes. For example, the husband is in no hurry to go home after work and spends little time with the child. Or maybe you often reproach him? Or do you control your husband’s communication with the baby too strictly, criticizing the games and books chosen for reading?

Try to avoid obviously controversial topics such as politics, religion, etc., especially if you have different points of view.

And - write letters. This way we avoid a heated quarrel, better understand our feelings and - most importantly - splash out negative energy on paper.

Your personal space

And at home, each spouse should have a zone free from the influence of the other. You don’t even have to leave your apartment to do this. It’s just that each spouse should have a place where he can retire: with a book, watch his favorite movie, sit in silence at the computer.

See with new eyes

Or maybe it’s worth visiting with your husband where he spent his childhood, talking with those who love him for who he is? Then there is a chance to see qualities that are new to you and worthy of admiration. One acquaintance said that he fell in love with his wife again when, after picking her up at work, he witnessed how masterfully she resolved a conflict situation between her subordinates.

Does your husband have a hobby? Show interest. Look at him in a situation where he is successful, passionate. This will help your heart “remember” what made it beat a few years ago.

The art of avoiding stereotypes

You and your partner have very different hobbies, but there are no barriers to, for example, going to the pool together or, say, ballroom dancing classes.

The main thing is to destroy the pattern of behavior that has become boring over the years. Sometimes it is useful for spouses to take a break from each other, to go, for example, with friends to the sea. Do not be afraid of such a desire - this is a completely natural need for a change of impressions. One “but”: this opportunity must be available to each spouse.

Genre crisis? Welcome!

Don't be afraid of a crisis. Many families pass them by without thinking or suspecting what it is. They simply overcome the difficulties that have arisen. Successful resolution of the crisis is the key to the further development of the family and a necessary factor for the effective living of subsequent stages.

Every crisis is a leap forward, going beyond the boundaries of old relationships. A crisis in a relationship helps spouses see not only the negative, but also the valuable that connects and binds them. Meanwhile, separation is more likely a consequence of a crisis that was handled incorrectly.

Analyze it!

Another way to cope with a crisis is to consult a family counselor. Many, however, believe that an intimate conversation with a mother or friend is a completely adequate replacement. However, we are more likely to find emotional support in family and friends, but not a way to solve the problem.

The music stopped, the guests left and the wedding dress found its place in the closet. Now family life begins. When creating a family, a man and a woman enter into marriage with their own ideas about life together, which were largely formed in childhood, in the parental family. Each spouse has his own habits, his own experience, foundations, customs, and family traditions. Each spouse will strive to contribute their piece to their new family. Time must pass before the newly made husband and wife learn to compromise, understand and accept each other, with their strengths and weaknesses.

If we speak metaphorically, family life resembles sea waves - at the peak there are crises, and at the decline there are periods of calm and adaptation to new changes. Crises in the relationship of spouses occur throughout life. And you shouldn’t be afraid of them, since spouses need them in order for the relationship to be “alive” and develop, helping to build the future and value each other. So what is a crisis?

A crisis is an inevitable event in reaching a radically new level of development.

Are there ways out of the crisis?

Yes, definitely. One of which is: the transition to a new stage of development and the second is a break in relations. There are also painful solutions - in fact, not exits, but avoidance of solving real problems or delaying decision-making: this is betrayal, addiction, serious illness, etc.

Symptoms of a crisis in which you need to sound the alarm:

One or both partners deviate from intimacy. Sexologists believe that discord in sexual life is one of the first signs of, if not a crisis, then problems in a relationship.
The so-called calm before the storm: when spouses stop arguing altogether, but at the same time communicate and spend time together - everyone is on their own. This is dangerous because spouses will simply lose interest in each other, and it will be better and more interesting for them to spend time with other people.
Spouses no longer strive to please each other.
All issues related to raising children provoke quarrels and mutual reproaches.
Spouses do not have the same opinion on most issues that are significant to them (relationships with family and friends, plans for the future, distribution of family income, etc.).
One of the spouses “withdraws into himself,” usually this is the husband. He ceases to participate in solving everyday problems and in the life of the family in general. He often gets immersed in work, is constantly delayed, and behaves distantly.
The logical consequence of the previous one will be that the wife completely forgets about herself and plunges headlong into solving family affairs, completely devotes herself to the family and becomes like a draft horse. She works, carries the entire household burden, takes care of her husband and children.
Husband and wife poorly understand (or do not understand at all) each other's feelings.
Almost all actions and words of a partner cause irritation.
One of the spouses believes that he is forced to constantly yield to the wishes and opinions of the other.
There is no need to share your problems and joys with your partner.

The first crisis, what is it?

The first, which psychologists have dubbed the crisis of the first year, is associated with the period of mutual “grinding in” of the newlyweds. The transition from the candy-bouquet period to life together. According to statistics, about half of all marriages break up after the first year of marriage. Newly-made spouses do not withstand the test of “everyday life”. Disagreements may concern the distribution of responsibilities, the reluctance of partners to change their habits. Inability or unwillingness to establish contact with the partner’s parents.

The crisis at the birth of the first child entails the emergence of new roles: now not only husband and wife, but also father and mother. This difficult period is also known as the 3-year crisis in a relationship, since after three years a child often appears in the family.

The period of 7 years is a “new” round of monotony and routine associated with such a phenomenon as addiction. If the routine of the crisis of the 3-year relationship has dissipated with the unity of the spouses in front of new long-term strategic tasks, then by the 7th year all these issues no longer attract novelty and instead of excitement cause melancholy and disgust. Spouses often experience disappointment when they compare reality with how it was imagined several years ago in their dreams. The spouses begin to feel that now everything will be the same all their lives; they want something new, unusual, fresh sensations. The children are already grown up. By the age of 7, a family is already a large household and a complex organism: the more people in the family, the more different interweavings, conflicting needs, and clashes of interests. A crisis always makes things worse. Therefore, the better the relationship is built, the stronger the emotional intimacy has been built and the learning to negotiate during periods of past disagreements, the easier it is to overcome the crisis, and vice versa.

15-20 years pass, the couple, having survived previous difficulties, live, enjoying family life, going with the flow, and here again a new everyday reef. Which can often be aggravated by the midlife crisis of one of the spouses. There is a frightening feeling that everything has already been achieved, everything has happened, both in the personal and professional spheres, there is a fear of aging... The next crisis can conditionally be called the “empty nest crisis”, this is an important period in the life of a family: when adult children leave it. Spouses are deprived of their main “leading” activity - raising children. They must learn to live together again, pay attention to each other. And women who dealt exclusively with children and home need to acquire new life tasks and goals. It is not uncommon during this period for husbands to leave for young mistresses.

How to overcome the crisis of living together?

If a close relationship has developed between the spouses, if they love each other, that is, they respect, value, listen to the opinion of the other, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding. There is no need to panic about the crisis. Many families pass them by without thinking or suspecting what it is. They simply overcome the difficulties that arise. Successful resolution of the crisis is the key to further development of the family and a necessary factor for the effective living of subsequent stages.

In order to overcome this critical moment in family life, you will need the willingness of both spouses, mutual desire and, as usual, patience and support.

If one of the spouses considers divorce as a way out, and the other does not agree with this, it is necessary to take a “time out”. Perhaps the spouses should separate for a while, rest and think (3-4 days, a week) in order to understand themselves, their feelings, desires and aspirations. Think about it, is everything really that bad, is it really possible that all the good things that happened between you can be so easily crossed out? Try to refresh your feelings, emotions, add variety to your relationships, away with dullness and routine. Think about romance, change your hairstyle, style or interior in the apartment, find a new hobby for both of you and don’t forget about joint leisure and relaxation. You will always have time to get a divorce, but it is still worth making attempts to reunite your family.

Another way to cope with a crisis is to consult a family psychologist. Many people believe that a heart-to-heart conversation in the kitchen with friends will help find a solution, but do not forget that friends will provide emotional support, but not a way to solve the problem, since their advice comes through the prism of their own life experience.

Golden rules that will help you more easily survive crises in family relationships:

Learn to talk about difficulties and problems that arise. It is very important to start a conversation on time, not to turn away from the troubles that have arisen, not to accumulate them, not to remain silent.
Don’t generalize, even if you speak in anger, don’t cross the line that you will later regret.
Talk about your feelings, experiences, don’t make complaints (instead of “you always...”, “it’s your fault...”, say “I feel...”, “it upsets me when you...”).
If at least one person is scared or is in strong emotional arousal, the situation may get out of control, in such cases you should not aggravate the situation, wait it out, or you need to contact specialists (family psychologists).

You should not be afraid of a crisis, because this is an indicator of the normal development of relations. And all this information will be useful to those who have already entered into marriage or are just planning. Think about this and take care of your loved ones!