He is constantly rude. Why a man humiliates and insults a woman: the psychology of male behavior. Why do men humiliate women?

Man and woman. Their relationship is extremely complex and full of dramatic moments. Love and hate seem to exist side by side. No one knows at what point love and prudence recede, and a barrage of anger and hatred bursts into their place. It is difficult to imagine, even in our century, a family where such incidents would not occur. And most often, representatives of the fairer sex become victims of rude treatment. What happens to representatives of the stronger sex, why is a man capable of humiliating and offending the woman he loves? How to protect yourself and what to do to stop it?

Married life is not without misunderstandings, disputes, quarrels and serious conflicts. And that's okay. The bad thing is that people don't know how to solve their problems. Very often, feeling his physical superiority, a man insults his woman, thereby humiliating her.

Psychology: why a man humiliates and insults a woman

Gaps in education

We all come from childhood, we all go through the school of family relationships at that tender age when we still do not know how to distinguish what is good and what should not be learned and done. The pattern of behavior of the father, who constantly insults and humiliates the mother, is learned by the children. When a boy becomes an adult, he then treats his wife the same way. Patience and humility of the mother and rudeness of the father become the norm for the girl. Subconsciously, the young man chooses the one who will endure humiliation. And the young wife will never question why a man calls and humiliates a woman. Many psychologists claim that children repeat the fate of their parents and even some events in their lives. Don't believe me? Take a closer look at the people you know around you, analyze their fates.

Love and jealousy

He loves, but periodically insults and humiliates the woman he loves, why? Yes, the great passion of one of the spouses is not always good for the psychological climate in the family. The balance of emotional relationships is disrupted. Where there is love, there is fear of losing a loved one, and jealousy arises. Any word or remark of a wife can be misinterpreted by a jealous husband. Repressed feelings will sooner or later result in the form of unfounded accusations and insults that humiliate the spouse.

Character and behavior of the wife

Not only men with their own difficulties are to blame for quarrels in the family. Beautiful ladies are sometimes masterfully capable of causing their husband’s aggression with their behavior. Constant dissatisfaction, grumbling and whining, demonstrating a bad mood and silence (they say, guess for yourself what is wrong with me or with us), ignorance or unwillingness to take into account the characteristics of one’s other half can cause swearing and insults from the husband. His answer is adequate to his wife's behavior. And what about the stubbornness demonstrated by a woman in insisting on her opinion and the causeless hysterics they throw? He simply does not have enough arguments or the ability to insist on his own. Well, why not a reason for a verbal fight?

There are many more reasons why men humiliate and insult women. But what to do in these situations? What advice can you give?

• Dear girls! Take your choice of life partner seriously. If during the courtship period insults or hints of humiliation take place, even in a playful form, things will get worse from there: do not cherish the dream that you will be able to re-educate your loved one.
• Once rudeness is demonstrated towards you, as a rule, it is repeated and becomes permanent. Therefore, you cannot tolerate and remain silent; you must react: discuss and find with your partner the reason for the rude behavior, but only in a calm situation. Never respond to abuse with abuse.
• Dear ladies! If you are being treated rudely by your life partners, don't be afraid to look within yourself for the reasons. After all, we are not always angels.
• Work on your relationships constantly. You can destroy everything easily and quickly, but creation requires strength and patience.

Very often verbal aggression is accompanied by physical violence. The relationship between victim and persecutor develops. But this is a topic for another article.

How to deal with aggression

We often experience bouts of aggression towards people around us. It occurs in response to irritation caused by various reasons. The result of aggression is quarrels and damaged relationships with loved ones. In men it manifests itself more strongly, in women it is much weaker. There are people who cannot start or end the day without having a row with their loved ones.

Psychologists distinguish between natural aggression, which is a personality trait, and situational aggression, which is a person’s response to an unpleasant situation. Each of us has a certain level of aggression: some have more, others less. People who have a high level of aggressiveness are very difficult to communicate with. For a family, such a person is a real punishment: at any moment he is ready to find fault with any little thing, start a quarrel and thereby throw out his irritation. He is like a vampire, feeding on the positive energy of the people around him. But such people achieve more in life than those who have below average aggressiveness. A low level of aggressiveness is characteristic of people who are spineless and incapable of fighting.

Situational aggressiveness does not always arise, but only when the level of irritation goes off scale or in response to threatening circumstances. But whatever the aggressiveness, it is destructive for marital relationships, as it gives rise to... What to do if you are a person of tough character? Are you ready to break down for any reason? Realizing this, are you trying to control yourself? It is impossible to restrain aggressiveness all the time, and it is harmful to health. The causes of many diseases lie in this. Thus, it is necessary to get rid of aggression, but the question arises about acceptable methods.

Passive methods Relieving aggression is suitable not only for women, but also for men.

You feel bad. You are ready to “tear and throw” everything you meet on the way. But stop! Think about what it will be like for the people around you.

• Advice for women: speak out, complain and cry. Really, cry! The therapeutic effect of tears can hardly be overestimated. Nature designed us this way: after crying, we feel relief. Tears remove enzymes that accompany stressful conditions, they cleanse the soul and wash away unpleasant experiences.
• Talk to your spouse about troubles and problems. At this moment there is no need to ask or give any advice: just talk and listen. This will help you calm down and find solutions to problems.
• Do not try to relieve irritation and aggressiveness with alcohol. The consequences can be unpredictable. More often, alcohol weakens self-control and pushes a person to rash and dangerous actions.
• Avoid the kitchen and refrigerator if you are in an aggressive state. You will not notice how you will empty all your food supplies. Don't eat your negative emotions. Aggression and unresolved problems will remain, plus extra pounds on the sides.

Active methods Removal of aggressiveness is based on physical activity.

• It is known that adrenaline, which causes tension and aggression, is well produced during physical activity. The more work, the harder it is, the better. Having done a good job in the garden or at the dacha, after general cleaning of the house, you will feel peaceful.
• Find time to exercise. Those sports that involve confrontation and movement are good (sports games, wrestling, boxing, and so on).
• Cyclic sports, which include repeated elementary movements and exercises (walking, light jogging, swimming, walking) are good for health and relieve stress.
• Watching television broadcasts of competitions can give vent to aggression. After all, watching the athletes, cheering for them, you experience the same emotions as the athletes. Your muscles involuntarily tense and start working. This is how excess adrenaline is “burned” in the blood.
• Hobbies such as fishing, hunting, mushroom picking bring a lot of pleasure and perfectly relieve aggression.
• Detective novels and horror films, thrillers, computer games help get rid of aggressiveness.

You can come up with or find dozens of ways to relieve irritation and aggressiveness and thereby protect yourself and your family from unnecessary quarrels.

After the birth of the child, Alena's husband does nothing but scream - he constantly raises his voice and insults his wife. Our psychologist analyzed the situation to help with advice.

“Hello, my name is Alena, I’m 24 years old. The problem I have is that my husband has become a terrible boor. He grew up in a family of construction workers, and for him calling names, raising his voice, and insulting him is completely normal. In their family it was like this: they would quarrel, yell, and then five minutes later they would communicate as if nothing had happened.

For me this is wildness, naturally, before marriage he held back, and then the child was born. I had no time for insults and instructive lectures, I didn’t pay attention to the insults a couple of times, and then off I went. If he doesn’t like something, he can call me a pig, or even worse. I simply began to insult him in response, and as a result, our life turned into a nightmare. Almost something goes wrong, he says something offensive to me, and I say something back to him. etc. Like two criminals between each other, although both have higher education, and our daughter looks at this.

Recently my husband started shouting at me in front of guests, it seemed to him that I had offended him in some way, everyone was in shock. This is very painful and offensive. I understand that I immediately behaved incorrectly and I don’t know what to do now, is there really no way to correct the situation? You say my husband doesn’t love me? I think he loves as much as he can. After all, when we don’t fight, everything is fine with us, he says words of love and wants to be with me, I feel it.

I can’t imagine my life without him and I want to save my family. I tried to talk to him, he promises to control himself, but after a couple of days he breaks down again, he says, I’ll bring him down myself. Even things that I wouldn’t pay attention to turn him on.

Maybe you can still force yourself to respect yourself and all is not lost? We've been together for seven years, the rudeness started about a year ago. Maybe the social circle in which he is located is to blame? Tell me what to do in this situation, it’s unbearable to endure. I will be very grateful!". Alena, Sochi

Gestalt therapist Larisa Kuznetsova

Our expert, Gestalt therapist Larisa Kuznetsova, responds to the reader’s letter.

Hello Alena!
Disagreements can always be discovered by looking for specific details. It would be good to figure out why you are annoying each other. I think the list of these complaints is finite. Most likely, you talked with your husband about the fact that you are not satisfied with the form of his response. Try to understand the content. What specific actions or words offend him so much? Talk to him about what you want your relationship to be like, what doesn’t suit him and you.

There is an opinion in families that as soon as the partner begins to behave differently, all the problems will immediately go away, the spouses will live happily. By making mutual accusations, you are actually refusing to take responsibility for your relationship.

Such “unchildish” jealousy and “inheritance” from parents

There is a family life cycle; each stage has its own development tasks and crises. The deterioration of relationships is often associated with the birth of a child. Your little daughter willy-nilly invades your relationship. You, Alena, are both a mother and a wife. You are probably tired from the workload. Against this background, irritability and resentment worsen. And for a husband, a child is not an easy test. During this period, the woman pays much more attention to the baby than to her husband. Many men begin to worry that their wife has stopped loving them. These are unconscious processes. They may be jealous of the child and use aggression as a way to get attention. And we often get angry when we don’t get what we want from someone else. Screams, swearing, insults are similar to a child’s reaction - you’ve probably watched children fight in the sandbox, taking away each other’s scoop and bucket.

Quarrels are a great way to get each other's attention. He is more familiar to your couple than the others. It is important for your husband to love you and feel noticed. But, as you write, in his parental family, “calling names” and raising his voice is the norm. Then all this time you have been successfully playing the children's game that your husband inherited.

How to behave

• Try to respond to insults by talking about feelings and labeling his actions. For example: “You are screaming now. What do you want? Why are you doing it? It hurts and offends me when you scream and want to defend yourself.”
• Learn to hear and listen to each other’s communication messages and not speculate. Just try to clarify what's going on.
• Speak without judgment, this will help you assert your boundaries.

In every family, the love stage of euphoria and idealization of the partner ends sooner or later. To come to an agreement with him, to accept each other with all our advantages and a huge number of shortcomings, bad habits, etc. is the art of a real couple and I wish you to master this art.

There is a psychological center “Lotos” in Sochi. This summer, at its base, I conducted a series of women’s psychological seminars. Don’t be lazy, stop by with your husband for a consultation with a family psychologist. The task of your couple is to develop rules of intimacy and cooperation, to learn even better about what is important to the other, to learn to respect the thoughts and feelings of your partner, even if they differ from yours.

Good luck to you! Larisa

Attention! If you need advice from a psychologist, write to us! All personal information will be hidden and names will be changed.

How to write: Describe in detail the situation in which you find yourself, what exactly oppresses you about it, what you would like to change. Please include your name, age and city where you live. Please try to keep your story within 2,000 characters. Send it to story@site.

The editors reserve the right to publish not all letters and not to enter into correspondence with the authors of letters. Materials are published on the website once every two weeks in the “Psychology” section.

Let's start with the fact that there are no purely ideal moments in relationships, misunderstandings happen in every family, but the point is in the development and consequences of quarrels. Most often, these are insults. Many people of the fair sex asked themselves the question: why does a man insult and humiliate a woman? Let's figure out why the man insulted and humiliated.

Reasons why men humiliate women:

Subconscious response. For men who insult and humiliate beautiful ladies, a defensive reaction begins in the subconscious when they begin to yell at them and pour out all the negativity; They want to intimidate and be right in everything. He will not deviate from his opinion, so he insults and humiliates the female half in order to prove his position; He has a mistress and does not have the courage to break up with you; An example from childhood. The person who humiliates grew up in such an environment and saw tyrant behavior in his father, grandfather or the person who raised him. It’s even worse if they run around him.

We will step by step delve into the essence of the issue. Why a man humiliates and insults a woman - the psychology is as follows:

A man humiliates, using this as a way of control and power. The goal is to destroy and change the personal opinion of your partner. Having become an authority for her, he believes that he can perfectly control and manipulate her; A man humiliates and insults girls - this is the psychology of a weak, insecure man who wants to raise his self-esteem and show himself; This is convenient for him. The man sees that there is no resistance from the girl, she does not touch him, and continues to offend him with 100% confidence that he is doing everything right, since the lady is silent. They can offend, humiliate and insult any woman anywhere: in transport, on vacation, at work , but why do men like to humiliate their beloved girlfriend or wife at home, let’s try to find the answer. After all, this is very scary, especially since children can see everything!

Why does a man humiliate the woman he loves?

The woman independently chose the role of the victim. Perhaps unconsciously, because I saw such an example of my mother’s behavior. The second option, when a lady is deeply in love with her prince, does not see his shortcomings, and is sure that he is right in such behavior, and she is to blame and provoked him; They are used to living and behaving this way! Both! A woman obeys in everything, cooks, washes, takes care of him, he gets used to it. If the other half missed what he was used to (for example, he did not serve food on time), there will be a quarrel, and the man begins to insult. And the wife silently endures and endures; The male sex wants to prove his status. If this doesn’t work out at work among colleagues, among friends, where does the man humiliate his significant other? At home. Although there, he feels at his best, using this method, maybe he lacks her attention; All the dissatisfaction and negativity that has accumulated throughout the day needs to be thrown out. Why does the male sex like to humiliate their wives, and not those who got them? Because a woman will listen and endure and will not go anywhere (in his opinion), but in a job, for example, they can be fired or demoted. And he is looking for any reason to offend his wife in order to free himself from all the bad results of the day; Competition. The husband sees that his wife is strong in character, achieves more than him, his self-esteem drops, and he begins to humiliate her; Fear that his wife will begin to destroy his personal space (before marriage, he walked with friends, relaxed, did what he loved, but now there are obligations), and he begins to humiliate his beloved half so that his space is not disturbed; Education. Look at your boyfriend's or husband's parents. If his father is a tyrant and loves to constantly humiliate his mother, then the son’s behavior will most likely be similar, since his father raised him this way and set an example; Wife’s behavior. If you constantly nag your spouse, expressing your dissatisfaction with any reason in an angry tone, his patience will also burst, and he will respond in kind.

Why does a man try to humiliate

There are many reasons, but this does not give the right to humiliate and insult. It is always necessary to find a compromise, but the outcome of the event as humiliation and violence is extremely unacceptable. We can sum up why men try to humiliate a woman: this upbringing has been inherited, the weakness of men who want to raise self-esteem, the desire to gain and control the female sex using this method, a response to women’s hysterics and constant dissatisfaction, or the other half makes himself a victim, as well as the desire to show oneself at one's best in front of another person.

Most often, these are aggressors who believe that they are always right. The girl, in order not to become a victim, must fight back. Any conflict situation must be adequate and not go beyond what is permitted, especially to the point of violence. We need to control ourselves, work on the relationship on both sides. And realizing your mistakes is the first stage of mutual understanding.

Women throughout human history have fought for their rights. They were always proving something to someone, asserting themselves, declaring themselves, speaking out about the infringement of their rights. And here we should put an end to it. Wait, why would anyone? They proved this to men - precisely those who infringed on these rights. Yes, time has passed, now men and women are completely equal, the latter are in no way limited in their rights. But still, men often try to offend the weaker sex, touching primarily on gender. “Who should wash the dishes? I? Yes, I’m a man!”, “Take off these sneakers, you’re a woman!” And then there’s this, the worst thing: “Well, you’re a BABA.” What is this? Why do men humiliate women? Let's try to figure it out in this article.

Family

Psychologists say that children always repeat the fate of their parents. And why all? From the point of view of this science, this phenomenon is explained quite simply. The father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, said that all problems come from childhood, because the child, being a being who does not know how to separate what is necessary for himself from what is unnecessary, accepts what he sees. Who does he see most often? Of course, parents. Moreover, for the little man, they are the only authority. Therefore, no matter what actions they perform, the child at a subconscious level will consider them the only correct ones, and when a similar situation occurs in adult life, at the level of worldview the person will act in the same way as his parents once did in it. This also applies to family relationships. “Why do men humiliate women?” - many people ask. Perhaps their fathers treated their wives poorly.

Example 1

The boy Petya constantly heard his father insulting his mother when she did something wrong. She didn’t have time to cook borscht before her husband arrived - she’s lazy, she stayed late at work - she’s unfaithful, she bought herself a new dress - she’s selfish, and so on. Peter grew up, got married, got a job where he conducted sociological research. At the last meeting, he was given the task of preparing a study “Why men humiliate women.” He decided to become the first test subject and wrote down on the form: “I think that humiliating a woman is terrible, but if she does stupid things or strange things, I don’t think it’s bad to insult her.” Thus, we can conclude that insults for Peter are a completely normal and natural thing precisely because his entire childhood was built on this. He doesn’t even consider this act humiliating. This is the norm, part of life.

Low self-esteem

In order to better understand, it is worth delving into history. Who were the first rulers? Were there women among them? Rurik, Oleg, Igor. Next is Olga. Her reign was completely random, strange, unjustified, with only one goal - retribution. It is worth noting that after Olga, Elena Glinskaya managed to reach state power, but again after 6 centuries and only in the person of the regent under Ivan the Fourth. Then palace coups, again just accidents. The rest of the time, only men ruled the state. What about the veche? Remember, only representatives of the stronger sex could be present there. This natural desire of men to be always ahead, to be in charge is transmitted to them by blood. Therefore, when men realize that they didn’t take something from life, missed something, didn’t achieve something, their self-esteem immediately drops. But you can’t just admit it, you need to try to prove the opposite to the weaker (in this case they are women). And how to do it? Of course, try to show your superiority by humiliating and insulting a woman. After all, not all male representatives know how to feel this line. This criterion should answer the question of why men humiliate women.

Example 2

Married couple. The husband always earned more than his wife and provided for the whole family, but suddenly the unexpected happened - he lost his job. The wife was not taken aback, she remembered that she was good at baking cakes, took out a loan and opened her own business. In just six months, her business went uphill, a client base appeared, the loan was repaid, but her husband was dissatisfied. Why? It would seem that you have everything, live and be happy. But no, he writes negative reviews to her website, orders cakes for which he does not pay, scolds her for spending a lot of time at work, not realizing that his wife is the only one who earns money in the family. You can understand a man, he just cannot admit on a psychological level that his wife is ahead of him. But in this case, when it simply could not have happened otherwise, why does the man humiliate the woman? Psychology of consciousness of any person. The answer is simple.

Fear

As they say, great love can also give rise to certain troubles. And the Platonic Lady cannot always bring only happiness. But rather, this criterion can be attributed to jealous men. Why does a man humiliate and insult a woman? It is possible that he loves her very much and is afraid of losing her. We all know how sensitive human nature is to the evaluation of other people. Therefore, when a man periodically tells his beloved that she is fat, ugly, worthless, she begins to believe it and consider herself as such, no matter how beautiful she is. And indeed, women whose men humiliated them in this way almost never left them. Therefore, this point of view is completely justified.

Example 3

In psychology, this example refers to the Theory of Social Consciousness. American psychologists conducted an interesting experiment, during which every person in the room saw the same monitor screen (there were 50 people). The screen was black. Forty-nine out of fifty people were told that the screen was black, but asked that the audience tell them otherwise. So, when all 49 people said that the screen was white, the last one did not doubt it for a second, although he observed the opposite with his own eyes. This example can be easily transferred to gender psychology and understand why a man humiliates and insults a woman (psychology).

Woman's behavior

Very often, women themselves become the culprits of such behavior among men. After all, both one and other representatives of the sexes can be different. For example, girls may begin to unjustifiably insult their other halves, constantly suspect cheating, checking social networks, asking friends and mutual acquaintances, resorting to harassment. No man would like that. And not only for a man, but for any person. After all, despite the relationship, there should always be some kind of personal space that cannot be violated. It turns out that in this case the ladies themselves run into conflicts and swearing, and then also wonder why men try to humiliate a woman. How can you not respond in kind? After all, in almost all areas there is a golden rule of morality, which states that the attitude towards others should be the same as the desired one towards oneself. And it does not lose its importance when communicating and in relation to your boyfriend.

Conclusion

I would like to note that many people wonder why a man tries to humiliate a woman, but have all of those who have ever asked this question thought of finding the reason in themselves? It seems like only a few. Yes, it happens that men simply insult their women, but the latter are not always “God’s dandelions.” The main thing is to look for the optimal balance and build relationships on full understanding, trust and dialogue, when you can always discuss something together, and if something doesn’t suit you, find a common way out. Perhaps then fewer girls will need this article.

Beauty and HealthLove and Relationships

How many articles are devoted to real representatives of the stronger sex, but besides them, there are also those who, although they belong to the male sex, do not behave like men. They allow themselves to be rude, insult and offend women. There is no excuse for this, since they are stronger, but you can fight this phenomenon only by understanding what is the reason that forces them to behave so poorly. So why do men humiliate women? Let's figure it out now.

Why do men insult women?

The reasons for any actions and deeds are always hidden in the depths of a person’s subconscious, and often he does not realize them until a moment comes that forces him to think about why life is not the way he would like, and people around him react negatively to him. At this moment there is a chance to change for the better. Unfortunately, recognizing the very fact that a person is doing something wrong is a great success. Subconscious processes are well hidden from people, and the eternal rush, which does not allow you to stop for a minute to think whether you are going the right way, generally deprives you of any chance of learning something very important about yourself.

You can understand and realize the hidden motives of behavior and actions with the help of introspection, psychologists or other people who are able to say from the outside in a calm manner that a person is behaving selfishly and causing pain to others. The only problem is that such people, especially males, do not want to hear what they are told, much less go to a psychologist (they are not sick) or engage in self-analysis (waste time on incomprehensible nonsense), they deeply believe that they are doing everything right, and it is the ones they offend, react incorrectly, or are to blame.

Changing the situation by forcing them to think about their behavior at least for a minute is possible only through peaceful means. In moments of calm, simply voice that you, as his beloved woman, are hurt by his words and actions. It is important to say all this calmly, choosing words that accurately reflect your feelings and hint to him at the possible reason for his behavior, so that he understands what is worth paying attention to in order to make sure that you are right or his own. Here, as they say, whatever happens.

Attempts to convey your disappointment to him with the help of screams, in a state of rage, when you want to tear and throw from resentment and pain, will be in vain. When people are shouted at, justifiably or not, their defense mechanism is activated, or they stop altogether perceiving what is being said to them, since they subconsciously understand that negativity will be poured out on them, which will cause harm, or they will enter into an altercation in order to silence the other person. and intimidate, because they become scared at this moment themselves.

All these processes are subconscious, and therefore are not realized by people, they happen instantly, but knowing about them in advance, there is a chance to avoid new quarrels, because they definitely will not be able to solve the problem. But in order to tell everything in a calm atmosphere, when the right moment comes, hinting at what is happening to the man himself, because it is not easy for him to behave this way, you need to know what reasons most often force men to humiliate women, what provoked them and how you can deal with them cope with.

Psychologists agree that only weak men behave this way, insecure, unloved in childhood, accustomed to a similar model of behavior, this is how their father behaved or the men who replaced him in childhood, if the boy grew up alone. People who love themselves know how to feel the pain of others, even if they are strong men who are accustomed not to express their emotions and pity too often. They have no need to increase their own self-esteem at the expense of others. If suddenly it has decreased a little, but they still have self-love, they will find another way to increase it, without offending anyone, especially women. By insulting and humiliating another person, you, first of all, lower yourself. Decent, self-respecting people will never allow themselves to behave like this.

To offend and humiliate... A similar path to solving internal problems is chosen by weak representatives of the stronger sex, who are even too lazy to think about the problems that await them if they continue to behave like tyrants in the future. For some reason, living in a society where such an attitude towards the obviously weak is not encouraged, but, on the contrary, is condemned, sometimes quietly, but condemnation is always present, such men do not bother to think about why they allow themselves such behavior and really Are they sure that this will continue forever and will not threaten them with anything?

They may believe that they are not doing anything wrong, only because they are afraid to admit that they are still bad people, they are too lazy to take care of themselves, because this is also a kind of recognition of their shortcomings. This behavior is cultivated for a reason; it is based on the fact that women who are humiliated by such men are accustomed to behaving like victims. They do not accept their behavior, so as not to worry about it, and they do not rebuff them, either verbally or forcefully, at least in the form of parting with them and erasing them from their lives.

The reluctance to voice justified complaints and grievances that arose due to his behavior in a calm environment is due to the fact that then he will have to make a decision: to stay and not pay any more attention, since she loves him so much, or to leave. And it’s scary to do this, because the status of a victim gives her a lot of advantages, especially since her mother behaved the same way, and this model of behavior is absolutely familiar. Who wants to admit that she is also to blame for the fact that she is constantly offended, and she continues to endure it, without even trying to think, maybe there is something wrong with her too.

This behavior of women allows men to further humiliate them, as they feel their impunity.

Why do men humiliate women?

But it is not always only women who are to blame; after all, they do not specifically provoke such behavior towards themselves, and only then react as best they can, leave or suffer from too much patience and fear of losing, even if such a bad, but still a man . Unfortunately, our society still continues to evaluate the value of a woman by the presence of a man next to her or his absence. It is also worth mentioning that a normal man will never humiliate a woman, no matter how she behaves and no matter how tolerant and kind she is to others. Those who behave rudely are those who themselves feel their own inferiority inside, which they try to get rid of by humiliating those who are obviously weaker than them. Without meeting any resistance, they stop seeing boundaries altogether and continue to violate them more and more sophisticatedly. Men allow themselves to behave this way because their status is not as high as they would like. And they try to rise up in order to feel on top at least against someone else’s background. And since it is much easier for them to show force and rudeness towards someone who depends on them, especially since it is easier than trying to achieve the status they need, they try with all their might. They are afraid to struggle with difficulties, compete and compete with other representatives of the stronger sex, because they are not confident in themselves and their success, but since the ambitions against this background are generally enormous, they need to throw out the accumulated dissatisfaction with themselves and those around them. And a woman looking at him with loving eyes and expressing complete submission... What could be better for his anger?! No one will rebuff him, will not object, will not say that it’s time for you, dear, to take care of your own self-esteem, so as not to remain lonely, since any women will run away from you, tired of enduring humiliation. So they humiliate women when their subconscious discontent begins to eat away at the soul, and this happens often, but the disease - low self-esteem - remains uncured. Because of this, some experience the fear of losing their loved one, and to prevent this from happening, instead of getting rid of fear, which is again done by increasing their own self-esteem and self-love, they begin to humiliate, offend and criticize the woman. In other words, destroy her self-esteem to such an extent that she herself believes that no one else will need such an incorrect one. Only this happens all the time, since his fear does not disappear anywhere, and he continues to try with all his might, turning a woman into a downtrodden and insecure creature, completely dependent on him.

Photo: why men humiliate and insult women

Those who respect themselves and do not want to tolerate such treatment should remember that there are no excuses for men allowing themselves to humiliate and insult women. They do this because of their promiscuity and unwillingness to respect others, no matter how much they are asked not to do this, and no matter how society tries to raise worthy men.

Tags: why men humiliate women, why men insult women

Hello! I am 25 years old, my husband is 30, and he is constantly rude to me.
On the one hand, I myself can throw in a harsh word, but I understand that there are boundaries and I never get too personal. My husband, on the contrary, if he’s separated, he can say anything he wants to me personally (well, it’s clear how bad I am and ruined his whole life).
The day before yesterday we had a big fight with him. He was tired, I pestered him with some household chores, and I understood that he was tired, and I chose a softer form of requests. But he still lost his temper and was rude. At that moment, I imagined that I would hit him in the face with my fist in order to somehow compensate for the insult... and as a result, at some point, I materialized my desire by hitting him on the hand to shut up. Well, he fell silent, and is still silent, as if it were my fault.
In this situation, it seems strange to me that he behaves like a gentle girl and is offended by my rudeness, although in fact he was rude himself, and I just wanted to interrupt him.
What to do in such a situation? How can I wean my husband from getting personal towards me, and instill the understanding that a wife is not a friend with whom one can sort things out in such a form?

Maria, is your husband basically a rude person or does he allow himself such communication only with you? If rudeness comes from bad manners/lack of education/complexes, and everyone around him gets it, then you need to work with him (long psychological sessions) or accept him as he is.
If such behavior is directed only at you, it means that with you your husband can allow himself to relax and pour out all the accumulated negative things. It can be assumed that he is treated with disrespect (for example, at work), and he takes it out at home. But this also means that he does not consider it necessary to take care of you, to protect you from worries. His offense at your rudeness is a masochistic joy for him and a reason to feel sorry for himself and gain the right to say even more nasty things to you.
Rudeness and rudeness are an argument in a dispute when there are no other, logical arguments left. This is an expression of one's own powerlessness. Try to understand what is going wrong in his life, what he is dissatisfied with. You can find other outlets for his aggression (sports, for example, sports shooting or wrestling).
The most important thing is to take care of yourself! After all, every rude word hurts you (as follows from the text of your message), and this pain and resentment accumulates. Unfortunately, they don’t go away, and at some point they begin to destroy the body (even to the point of serious illness). Therefore, your resentment also needs to find a way out.
To change his attitude towards you (if your words no longer work), it is possible to use such a radical measure as parting - when the last drop of resentment falls, do not tolerate it any longer, leave (even if just to walk outside, get some air). Will he be ready to change to get you back?

Davedyuk Elena Pavlovna, psychologist in St. Petersburg

Good answer 4 Bad answer 0

Hello Maria!

Start with yourself and stop being rude to your husband. Partners are always a mirror to each other. If you change, he will change too.

In the situation described, your husband thus set his psychological boundaries. He showed that you cannot raise a hand against him, otherwise he will deprive you of his communication.

If you think that “a wife is not a friend with whom you can sort things out in this form,” then begin to behave like a loving and caring woman who understands when you can approach a man with a request and does not turn a request into a demand . Then he will treat you differently.

If you need help, please contact us. You can work via Skype.

Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, consulting psychologist, St. Petersburg

Good answer 7 Bad answer 0