For young people
I want a second child, but I’m afraid it won’t be enough. I want a second child but I don’t have enough money. Why give birth when there is no money

I want a second child, but I’m afraid it won’t be enough. I want a second child but I don’t have enough money. Why give birth when there is no money

Before your first pregnancy, you dreamed of having many children. But with the birth of the baby, doubts began to appear. You are looking for many reasons not to have a second child. There is no money to raise another child - this is the most common argument.

But usually the cost of a baby is much less than parents think. After all, you probably still have a lot of good things left from your first child.

How to decide on a second child?

Girl in a mask!

Everything is simpler for me, because my husband is younger, and the difference between the children is 5.5 years, and there are grandparents and aunts in the city. But! I have the good fortune to know a girl who, having given birth to her first child, graduated from college, and was already pregnant with her second child.

At the age of 20, she already had 2 little ones, the same age, and she. she followed her husband to us here, in the darkness of a cockroach, where she didn’t know anyone, where the climate was difficult, the city was still dirty and poorly organized, her husband was at work all the time, the kids weren’t in kindergarten, no one helped at all, and she didn’t know the city , and doesn’t go anywhere, because one baby is 2 years old, and the other is 6 months old!

They survived everything, a wonderful strong family, the children are all already schoolchildren, they just bought their own apartment, a 3-room apartment, of course on credit. Mom works a little at school and a lot at home, dad also works a lot because he has to.

I want a child, but I'm afraid

We live in a small apartment with his parents, there is no room for a child, and we no longer have the strength to live with them.

The only way out is a mortgage.

But I’m afraid that my husband won’t be able to handle it alone, and I don’t want to go to work a month after the birth of the child! I want to give birth to him for myself and not for my grandmothers, I want to spend a lot of time with him, raise him.

Well, from a physiological point of view, it’s scary - my sister recently gave birth, we’re on the phone with her around the clock, the impression of the maternity hospital and the process itself is a little terrifying.

The birth was difficult, despite the fact that everything was always excellent with her as a woman, absolutely healthy, if such a thing even happens now. And I’ve already had the erosion cauterized twice, I’m very afraid of ruptures and that the neck won’t open. On the other hand, the older you get, the harder it is, probably.

I want a second child but have no money

I’m tired of fighting with myself: I want a second child.

I want Anka a sister or brother. It’s just some kind of irrational desire that doesn’t allow me to live in peace. I want that and that’s it, I’m tired of my own arguments.

I want to listen to yours, maybe someone will say something that will change everything for me. Or vice versa?? So, point by point.

Cons: the most important one is a 1-room apartment.

If we face the truth, or rather our husband’s salary, we won’t be able to afford the loan. Further. Lack of help, but this doesn’t scare me much (maybe, of course, I have no idea what they’re talking about).

My mother is far away, and my mother-in-law works. I don't want to give birth during a baby boom. I’m worried about the lack of kindergartens, schools, terrible queues at the clinic, etc.

Pros: I always liked the little difference between the children.

It seems that Anka is done being an only child.

Serve maternity leave and then go back to work and life??

One-room apartment, but I want a second child

We have a one-room apartment (we are not renting, my parents). I have a 2 year old son. While he's sleeping in the crib.

It’s already a bit cramped - there’s especially not enough space for clothes and toys. A separate bedroom and children's room is a dream.

And so far there is no prospect. But! So we want a second child. The plan is that we will buy them a bunk bed) But this is only one point.

But there are still a sea of other questions!

Well, not only questions about the house. I’m also worried about going from maternity leave to maternity leave (but only because I didn’t learn anything - after university I went to work and six months later immediately went on my first maternity leave; the job itself doesn’t pay, I’m thinking of changing).

I’m also worried that I just went to driving school.

If you then drive, it’s somehow scary for a pregnant woman right after driving school, but putting your license on the shelf is all sad.

And what about the garden? Small 3 at the beginning. July 2013, and B. I want to plan for the end of July-August-September.

Why give birth when there is no money?

This question is often asked by young families who have financial difficulties; pregnant girls are less likely to ask this question when going for an abortion. Is this reason really so serious that you have to deprive yourself of the opportunity to have a child? Or is this a simple effective excuse?

In fact, you can have a child in any financial situation. No money? So make money! There is a healthy husband with arms and legs - go ahead! You won't remain hungry. Are you a single mom? The state will help (though it will help, those who say that this is nonsense are simply too lazy to collect the necessary documents and submit their social support). The question here will be different. Parents want their child to have the best and newest things. But this is no longer a valid reason. Each parent has the right to decide for himself when to have children and how many, but citing the reason for lack of money is stupid.

You can give an example of a situation where parents want to first earn good money, build their career, and only then have a child - this is not even a bad idea. The parent wants to be financially independent at the moment. Based on this, they DO NOT want a child (at the moment), they want money. And if they explain that they really want a child, BUT THERE IS NO MONEY, then this is just an excuse. If you want, you will give birth.

I decided that for myself. I don’t have an apartment (my husband had a one-room Khrushchev house), I didn’t work (my husband worked and earned 20 thousand) and we WANTED a baby. And we knew right away that we wouldn’t give him mountains of gold, but the desire to have his own little bundle was above all. Then my husband was promoted to 30 thousand and we expanded. There was a DESIRE to have a second child. And we immediately began to resolve this issue. The children have everything they need, even a bunch of different interesting toys, they are always dressed, shod, and well fed. And my children are HAPPY. Neither I nor my children need a mountain of money to be happy.

What do you think about this? Maybe I'm wrong? Or am I not completely understanding everything? Here I personally expressed my opinion on the question posed and I would like to know how right I am after hearing your opinion on this matter. Perhaps, if I am still wrong, I will hear arguments in favor of this issue.

I want a second child but I don’t have enough money

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I want to have a baby, but I’m afraid that I won’t have enough money to live on

Forum members, happy new year everyone!

I ask you for advice on a financial issue: my husband and I are planning a child, but I am very afraid that the three of us will not live on one husband’s salary (30,000 rubles, Moscow), so now I have started saving money to financially prepare for a new one period of your life.

What amount do you think is required to buy everything necessary for a child of normal quality, as well as to survive the first year and a half? My needs are small, but I don’t want to save money on a child. With a child, I want to sit with him until he is 2 years old. We are Muscovites, we have our own home, there will be no financial assistance from our parents - they are pensioners.

Who cares what you want. And it's not about the money.

Yes, for some the cabbage soup is liquid, and for others it’s small diamonds.

6, ok, what if it’s like this: you and the child are in one room (while he’s small, he still can’t be left alone), and your husband is in another. While the child is growing, you will earn money and move to the 3rd.

and we live for 16 thousand in a one-room apartment with an infant in Magadan. And prices here are 2 times higher than in Moscow. and nothing, we live. We'll buy a second car soon.

I won’t write about my income, otherwise they’ll kill me here. But Author, it’s not really about the money. Those who want children will give birth and raise them for both 30,000 and 20,000. And those who, for some reason, don’t want to, will spend their entire lives building sky-high standards for themselves. My husband and I decided to have a child when we bought our own apartment (two-room apartment); at that time we had enough money for everything, but we didn’t have it in abundance. But if God gives a child, he will also give him the opportunity to solve problems. Now the child is 2 years old, and we are moving to a group of four. (I would never have thought that it would happen so soon). Don’t be afraid Author, you are not in a bad situation to be afraid of having children. Of course, you won’t have to show off, but who knows, maybe it will push your husband to new heights :)

Do you naively believe that after 2 years of maternity leave everything will end and you will be able to work fully? the child is not going anywhere. talk seriously with your grandmothers. who can babysit? the garden is good, but children often get sick there, and it is only until 5 o'clock.

truly - whoever wants asks HOW, whoever doesn’t wants explains WHY. If the first question is relevant for you, then I recommend you the books of the Sears (William and Martha) and Dr. EO Komarovsky (komarovskiy.net) - they are available in chain stores like New Bookstore. Good luck to all!

What is going on in the country, before a woman gives birth, she is not confident in her future, the future of the child, we are going to increase the birth rate damn it! This is not the case in any developed country.

and I'm afraid to give birth to a child. I get 25 thousand, my husband gets 60, the apartment was bought for three rubles in cash, I don’t need to pay any loan. but it's scary. but I want a child.

Asya, exchange six apartments. She's missing three rubles.

14. Cherubina 38 and Bogdan 8 months :)

Asya, you are probably not afraid of lack of money, but just for prevention. that's what everyone is afraid of :))

How much does it cost to hire a nanny for at least half a day? You also need to take this into account; sitting with a child all day long can make you go crazy.

We don't give birth. We do not have money.

The issue of demography is not only in Russia, but also in many other countries. Women are planning a career, deciding issues of personal fulfillment, and want to receive a more modern and high-quality education, which can allow them to change their specialization or improve the quality of their work. Is it possible to blame a woman who wants to work if she is forced to do so by the need to support her parents, her child, and help her husband? Many people say that the task and main field of a woman is to be a mother, wife, and mistress of the house. It's right. In cases where a man’s income allows a woman to take care of her family, children, arrange her home, and do household chores with a creative approach, and not just because it is necessary and the routine becomes a burden. In this case, the woman is happy. If a man’s income is not enough to live in the city, then the woman is forced to work. Following this, there are a number of other questions that women pose to themselves when deciding whether to give birth or not. There are many reasons why women do not want to give birth, here are just a few of them.

I want a child, but if now I’m unemployed and I’m pregnant, what should I do? They write that abortion is bad, it’s harmful, it’s a risk, but I can’t afford even the cheapest things for a child, not to mention a crib or stroller.

I am a student, my husband and I continue our studies. How to live now? I have exams, my husband too, plus he’s still working. How to find time and funds for a child? Or give birth, and then where will the child go - to an orphanage? I can not stand…

You can have a child only when you have your own home. When you have nowhere to live, and you pay a lot for rent, there is absolutely no time to think about expenses for the baby.

We want children, my husband willingly looks at children's products in stores, is interested in issues of education, and my mother dreams of grandchildren, she is even preparing a dowry, but I feel that I have not matured. Before marriage, they lived modestly with their mother, there was no extra money, they could only go to the theater once every three years, they could only dream about new clothes or a good haircut. I borrowed books from the library; I didn’t have internet at home; I used it at the university. And now I’m married, my husband and I both work, we have money, but, really, I want to live for myself. I don't want to get stuck in pots and diapers. At least now I can go to the salon, I bought cosmetics, I choose clothes, I select them by style and color. What will happen now? Will I sit at home and save on myself again for the sake of the child? I want to live for myself for at least a couple more years. Do I really want too much? Just go to a concert, just buy yourself a nice expensive fountain pen, a leather bag, go to a salon for a massage or have a facial procedure... After all, this is all you need. I don’t want to spend it on my tenth handbag, or my twenty-first tube of perfume. Is a bottle, just a small bottle of perfume, a luxury nowadays? And here - buy diapers, buy baby vests, buy a cradle. Buy and buy... I don’t want to buy lip gloss at a stall for a couple of rubles, I don’t want mascara from the market. I'm disgusted by this cheap stuff, which is not known how or where it is produced. It’s better not to wear makeup at all than to treat eyelashes and skin later... But would you buy a bad product for a child? We want the best for children. And not only in infancy. Then there’s a good kindergarten and developmental clubs, a music school, tutors, a university... Do they really give away good books “for nothing”? I remember sitting for hours in the reading rooms, hammering away at tedious theory, unless my friends helped and explained. It would have been much easier if my mother had hired a tutor in due time and helped me in some subjects. So what should we do?

I know and understand little about raising children; I didn’t have a mother, I grew up with my father. I sometimes think that I am an inferior person. My father tried to raise us as best he could, he worked, did the best, went to meetings at school, participated in my life, and was always interested. A golden man like him cannot be found during the day with fire. I checked my future husband from all sides, my husband is a business man, he arranges everyday life, if you ask for anything, he will do it. No problem. The problem is me. What kind of mother will I be?

To summarize, we can identify the following reasons for not wanting to give birth: difficult financial situation, economic instability, the issue of personal fulfillment, the issue of work and career, lack of self-confidence, divorce and other psychological reasons. I would like to touch on the psychological reasons. Practice shows that in the most seemingly difficult situations, people who want to have children find a way out. And not just one, but many.

With children, of course, it’s difficult. I took a risk when I decided to give birth. Consider, for your soul - not a penny. My mother lives far away, she couldn’t help, my mother-in-law is not the kind of person who helps, my husband and I earned very little at that time, and I studied by correspondence. In a word - at work you think about the session, and during the session you think about work. And my belly is still growing. Friends helped out. There will always be someone among your friends who has children. They gave away toys, sat with the child, gave away rompers, caps, and bibs for free. And nothing, we lived. Moreover, people themselves were happy to give, donate, because then many do not need these things. It’s a shame to collect dust, but it’s a shame to throw it away, but it’s not the same to sell.

We bought things used on the Internet. Profitable. Some things were washed, some things were repaired. We use it. You can find better quality things. We bargained. We liked. Much of it is in excellent condition, it just needed a little adjustment, that's all.

We gave birth to three children, now it is much easier than before, the elders actively help, it is only important to motivate the children to help, to set an example. I help my husband, and my husband helps me. We agreed among ourselves. Yes, and sometimes you can ask relatives to take the children to visit.

We got pregnant when we were still students. Friends borrowed notes, and in the fall and spring, in good weather, we walked with the baby and read books. Anything could happen, of course, and there wasn’t enough money, but you can do without many things, and the main things can be found cheaper. It happened like this: someone would take a walk with Lyalya, and we were sleeping, or we would change, we came up with a schedule, we agreed, but it was fun, classmates often came to visit. But now we know that we can do anything.

I thought, I’ll give birth to a child, I’ll sit at home within four walls. And, as it turned out, life can be much more varied, because during pregnancy I learned how to properly care for myself, delved into medical issues, and began to study which means and preparations are better, higher quality, more useful. Then - go to mommy courses! But I expanded my circle of friends and had many friends with common interests. You can take your child swimming, for a massage, or anywhere, if funds and time allow. And I’m not even talking about children’s events, both paid and free. Music, modeling, dancing...

I expected to be a bad mother. There are so many fears at the very beginning. In fact, if the baby is well-fed, dry, and kissed, he is happy. It seems that you can’t do anything, you don’t know anything, he cries – and you are with him, and then little by little you see how he behaves, you try one thing, then another and learn. Somewhere someone will advise you, somewhere in a book you will find a recipe, in some other case you will guess. Anything can happen, the main thing is not to lose heart. The housing problem is a problem for many, but it was even worse during the war years, so why wait until old age? While I’m young and healthy, I need to give birth, otherwise until you earn money for an apartment, you won’t be able to give birth.

*** *** ****

Every woman in her life inevitably faces a number of important issues that she needs to solve, and her future fate will depend on the decision. It is important to emphasize that those who are optimistic about the future, who are not afraid of difficulties, gain much more valuable and important experience, which subsequently helps them. Focusing on it, a woman draws the right conclusions and can find many options for solving problems. Everyone has difficulties, but the decision not to give birth is not an option, since the appearance of a new person makes a woman more successful in many areas. Childbirth and child care, caring for a baby force a woman to become more flexible and resilient. This mobilizes, trains the body, much of this gives a woman incomparable joy and pride. Psychologically, a person becomes more stable, he gains self-confidence. So what is better - to torment yourself from obvious or illusory instability, to live with complexes, to see in all circumstances only unfavorable conditions for the birth of a child, or to gain useful positive experience, learn everything new, move to a new stage of life?

It’s scary that suddenly there won’t be enough money or I won’t survive the second CS. Or something bad will happen to my husband or... and pregnancy is like hell, toxicosis, heartburn. Yes, a lot of things

I am 34 years old

How did you decide on the second one?

Close eyes. P3, everything will be decided there on its own

No way) we decided not to give birth again))

And why? Was your daughter having a hard time?

It was super easy for my daughter!!! There were no pregnancy and childbirth and no sleepless nights) everything was perfect) but very expensive... And I want to give her everything without unnecessary stress for myself)))

Well, I just don’t think about such things). I believe that thought is material). and before the second cop I was only thinking about good things))).

you know what they say: if God gives a child, he also gives money for the child... strength of money, etc.

I disagree! God has nothing to do with it! This is how they give birth to dessert ones, and then they sit and wait for manna from heaven! But the fact that each of our desires is given to us with the strength and opportunity to fulfill it is true! Whether to take advantage of this opportunity or not is up to everyone to decide for themselves!

Did you get some money?)

I completely agree with you

I originally wanted a 3-year difference between the children, and that’s what happened

And I’m old, I’m 35

How did you even decide on the first one with such thoughts?

it means it's too early for you

Tatyana, I didn’t know what was waiting for me then.

What's so terrible awaiting you? think less about the bad, thoughts are material

The worst thing is pregnancy and cps. It was hell

Well, I don’t know... but is it worth it? costs!!! Here is someone who is ready to go through anything just to get a child, but... and pregnancy, with all the other delights, is nonsense!!!

My advice... Think less!!!

Thank you

I've been wanting to do it for a long time, but it didn't work out. Now b. and I pray that everything will be fine!

I’m also worried that I won’t have enough money or strength...

Moreover, toxicosis and heartburn take over everything. It was hell

You can think about this without a child, no one is immune.

Given your child’s age, I wouldn’t dare. In general, I wouldn’t have decided until I was three years old.

I am 35 years old

Margarita, I see, well then you have no choice)))) Just kidding, of course. Look at your health and desire, and all sorts of cataclysms are unpredictable.

We took it and decided)) I think we are never safe... everything can always go wrong the way we want it (((we will solve problems as they arise...

If you think about all this, you will never dare. You just need to do it and that's it.

...or the end of the world tomorrow, or a comet will crash to the ground...the list can be endless. If I really wanted to, I wouldn’t think about it. there would be a goal, and the means to achieve it would be found

Well, if it happens, you're already panicking))

About coping, as a rule, it is planned and no problems arise.

And regarding money, here is a post below from a woman with 7(!) children, they live)))

And so, it’s up to you to decide, solve your problems and fears in your head and move forward. It seems to me that if a person really doesn’t want children, he won’t even think about it

Everything will be fine! and the second CS is usually easier than the first)

I almost died, I was suffocating and asked for help. And then my collarbone hurt for a very long time

Margarita, why did your collarbone hurt?

Because they squeezed it out, there was pressure on the sternum

You write that there was a crisis? how did you squeeze it out?

They cut and pressed so that she would come out of the uterus on her own. This is their new method

This is the first time I've heard this